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Women are better at childcare than men therefore they should focus more on raising children and less on their working life. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.4

Women are better at childcare than men therefore they should focus more on raising children and less on their working life. with this statement? v. 4
It is believed by some that females should concentrate on raising children rather than working since they are assumed to excel at child care. I completely disagree with this statement as many women lack the qualities required to deal with children and are instead better at their jobs. Child care is not a gender-specific role in modern society anymore, therefore, women and men are both responsible for raising their children and taking care of them. Child care is an activity that requires patience, kindness and love. Such qualities can be found in both men and women, thus, men can be just as good as women at taking care of their young children. For instance, a father with a warm personality who loves kids is a better candidate for taking care of his children than a mother who is cold, impatient, and easily irritated. Another point to consider is that women often excel at their jobs and are given senior roles in many industries. If women are to be dissuaded from pursuing demanding careers to take care of their children, it would lead to negative consequences. Firstly, women would be depressed because they would have to either give up having a family or forsake a job they are passionate about, and having depressed individuals is detrimental to any society. Secondly, companies and industries would lose a lot of great female employees who might be the reason why a certain business succeeded. If this happens, it would severely damage the economic growth of countries. To conclude, forcing women to take care of their children to the detriment of their careers has serious impacts on both societies and individuals. It would lead to unhappy women who neglect their dream jobs to stay at home and be mothers and a workforce devoid of females.
It
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that females should concentrate on raising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
rather
than working since they
are assumed
to excel at child
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
. I completely disagree with this statement as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
lack the qualities required to deal with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and are
instead
better at their jobs.

Child
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
is not a gender-specific role in modern society anymore,
therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
are both responsible for raising their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of them. Child
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
is an activity that requires patience, kindness and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
. Such qualities can
be found
in both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
,
thus
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
at taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of their young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
For instance
, a father with a warm personality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loves
kids is a better candidate for taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
than a mother
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
, impatient, and
easily
irritated.

Another point to consider is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
excel at their jobs and are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
senior roles in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
industries. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are to
be dissuaded
from pursuing demanding careers to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, it would lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
would
be depressed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
either give up having a family or forsake a job they are passionate about, and having depressed individuals is detrimental to any society.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and industries would lose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
great female employees
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
might be the reason why a certain business succeeded. If this happens, it would
severely
damage the economic growth of countries.

To conclude
, forcing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to the detriment of their careers has serious impacts on both societies and individuals. It would lead to unhappy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
neglect their dream jobs to stay at home and be mothers and a workforce devoid of females.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
The conquest of learning is achieved through the knowledge of languages.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Women are better at childcare than men therefore they should focus more on raising children and less on their working life. with this statement? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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