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An increasing number of professionals, such as doctors and teachers, are leaving their own poorer countries to work in developed countries. What problems does this cause? What solutions can you suggest to deal with this situation? v.3

An increasing number of professionals, such as doctors and teachers, are leaving their own poorer countries to work in developed countries. What problems does this cause? What solutions can you suggest to deal with this situation? v. 3
Many people are moving to work in developed countries and increasing number of professionals, such as doctors and teachers, are leaving poorer countries to work abroad. There are many reasons for this movement and in this essay, I will discuss some of the causes and provide solutions. In developing countries, the professionals are jobless. Either they do not have infrastructure to practice their profession, or they are offered very low pay for their work, and often the money they receive is not sufficient to pay back their education loans. Hence, they find it lucrative to work in developed places, where their work is respected and well paid. Moreover, they are able to find job satisfaction as authorities in such countries provide enough funding and infrastructure for these people to do some research. However, in poorer country, the focus of government remains to provide basic necessities which leaves no room for funding research. In order to develop, these countries need to spend money on scientific activities, which will improve foundation of these places. For instance, government can spend money of research and development of medical sciences which can help provide healthcare at more affordable prices. Also, money needs to be spent of infrastructure, like schools, so more children are educated and higher number of jobs are there for teachers. In conclusion, I think it is the responsibility of administration to infuse some money into the economy which will create employment as mentioned above. If they procrastinate, they will lag behind and lose their talented population. Therefore, I urge them to step up and prevent such brain drain.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are moving to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and increasing number of professionals, such as doctors and teachers, are leaving poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
abroad. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons for this movement and in this essay, I will discuss
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
causes and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
solutions.

In developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, the professionals are jobless. Either they do not have infrastructure to practice their profession, or they
are offered
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
low pay for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
they receive is not sufficient to pay back their education loans.
Hence
, they find it lucrative to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in developed places, where their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is respected
and well paid.
Moreover
, they are able to find job satisfaction as authorities in such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
funding and infrastructure for these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
research.

However
, in poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, the focus of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
remains to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
Consider using "necessities".
basic necessities
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
no room for funding research. In order to develop, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
need to spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on scientific activities, which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
foundation of these places.
For instance
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
of research and development of medical sciences which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
healthcare at more affordable prices.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
needs to
be spent
of infrastructure, like schools,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
more children
are educated
and higher number of jobs are there for teachers.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is the responsibility of administration to infuse
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
into the economy which will create employment as mentioned above. If they procrastinate, they will lag behind and lose their talented population.
Therefore
, I urge them to step up and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
such brain drain.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay An increasing number of professionals, such as doctors and teachers, are leaving their own poorer countries to work in developed countries. What problems does this cause? What solutions can you suggest to deal with this situation? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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