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Women are accepted as a second gender. And most people agree that it is because of women themselves. Do you agree with that idea? Write your opinions and personal experience on that issue. v.2

Women are accepted as a second gender. And most people agree that it is because of women themselves. Do you agree with that idea? Write your opinions and personal experience on that issue. v. 2
Today, gender inequality is one of the main issue around the globe and most countries have been trying to handle that problem in order to provide gender equality in all kinds fields of state. And there are many supportive rules and conventions which help the states in terms of eliminating sexual harassment and abuse towards women as well. Despite all those actions, still gender inequality remains as a global threat in the world, especially in developing and less-developed countries. And many people think that, it is because of women themselves. In my opinion, this argument is almost right from the perspective of developing countries; if women want to get the rights which provided by a country’s constitution or whatever official document, first of all they should take an action or responsibility in order to achieve, even men don’t let them act. Because all those liberties are their incontestable rights. However, women living in mostly developing or less-developed countries, not only avoiding of taking an action, but also underestimate themselves; for example, if a girl want to pursue her education in abroad or wherever, first of all, mothers are being anxious and always try to draw away their girls from this intention. And they mostly pretend that this is the best way for girls, because the girls might encounter different problems, such as not to get married. Year after year, this tendency is getting change, but still it is preserved its actuality in many countries. Women themselves teach their girls to be second gender, and to live under men’s surveillance in future. Generally, women should avoid such kind of upbringing and behavior against the girls in terms of eliminating of underestimation. The girls are taught as leader of a community in future and they always need to be supported by their family. A mother is the core member of family.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, gender inequality is one of the main issue around the globe and most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have been trying to handle that problem in order to provide gender equality in all kinds fields of state. And there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
supportive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and conventions which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the states in terms of eliminating sexual harassment and abuse towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
as well
. Despite all those actions,
still
gender inequality remains as a global threat in the world,
especially
in developing and less-developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. And
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
themselves.

In my opinion, this argument is almost right from the perspective of developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
; if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the rights which provided by a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
constitution or whatever official document,
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
first of all
they should take an action or responsibility in order to achieve, even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
don’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them act.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
all those liberties are their incontestable rights.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
living in
mostly
developing or less-developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
avoiding of taking an action,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
underestimate themselves;
for example
, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girl
want to pursue her education in abroad or wherever,
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
first of all
, mothers are being anxious and always try to draw away their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
from this intention. And they
mostly
pretend that this is the best way for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
might encounter
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
problems, such as not to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
married.

Year after year, this tendency is getting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
still
it
is preserved
its actuality in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Women
themselves teach their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
to be second gender, and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
under
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
’s surveillance
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.
Generally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
should avoid such kind of upbringing and behavior against the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
in terms of eliminating of underestimation. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
are taught
as leader of a community in
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
future and
they always need to
be supported
by their family. A mother is the core member of family.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Women are accepted as a second gender. And most people agree that it is because of women themselves. Do you agree with that idea? Write your opinions and personal experience on that issue. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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