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With the rapid advancement of communication technology such as smartphones, tablets and other mobile devices, some people believe that the disadvantagesoutweigh the advantages. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

With the rapid advancement of communication technology such as smartphones, tablets and other mobile devices, some people believe that the disadvantagesoutweigh the advantages. v. 2
In the modern age, the advent and popularity of cutting-edge communication technology is often accompanied by major impacts on how people interact with one another, which induce a controversial debate of whether the benefits are outweighed by the drawbacks. From my viewpoint, I advocate this idea. In the positive aspect, as powerful facilitator of communication, mobile devices have empowered people to conveniently keep in touch with friends and relatives eliminating distance barriers between communicators. For example, communication devices enable users to make a phone call, send messages, make phone calls and video call with others. In addition, thanks to the technological development of communication devices, people are connected not only nationwide but also in a global network. Interaction devices with Internet provides people abundance of opportunities to know people of diverse backgrounds and personalities. Compared to the past, human’s way of transmitting information and interaction has been revolutionized by cutting-edge communication technology. However, the negative side of this phenomenon should be paid more attention. Initially, there would be a high chance of people’s over-reliance on technology advancement of communication devices. This will cause the ineffectiveness in communication among individuals in real life when people are too engrossed in tablets or mobile phones. Moreover, most digital devices nowadays have games and appealing applications installed which can cause addiction to people when they cannot refrain from the virtual life on the screens. For example, in 2017 with the release of the game Pokémon Go, many casualties were recorded since people were unaware of surroundings while playing this game. In conclusion, the merits of communication technology are undeniable however, due to its negative influence on people’s interacting habit I believe drawbacks would eclipse the benefits.
In the modern age, the advent and popularity of cutting-edge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
technology is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
accompanied by major impacts on how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
interact with one another, which induce a controversial debate of whether the benefits
are outweighed
by the drawbacks. From my viewpoint, I advocate this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.

In the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspect, as powerful facilitator of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
, mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
have empowered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
conveniently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in touch with friends and relatives eliminating distance barriers between communicators.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
enable users to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a phone call,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
messages,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
phone calls and video call with others.
In addition
, thanks to the technological development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are connected
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
nationwide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
in a global network. Interaction
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
with Internet provides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
abundance of opportunities to know
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of diverse backgrounds and personalities. Compared to the past, human’s way of transmitting information and interaction has
been revolutionized
by cutting-edge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
technology.

However
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
side of this phenomenon should
be paid
more attention.
Initially
, there would be a high chance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
over-reliance on technology advancement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
. This will cause the ineffectiveness in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
among individuals in real life when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are too engrossed in tablets or mobile phones.
Moreover
, most digital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
nowadays have games and appealing applications installed which can cause addiction to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
when they cannot refrain from the virtual life on the screens.
For example
, in 2017 with the release of the game Pokémon Go,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
casualties
were recorded
since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were unaware of surroundings while playing this game.

In conclusion
, the merits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
technology are undeniable
however
, due to its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
interacting habit I believe drawbacks would eclipse the benefits.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
A man who knows two languages is worth two men.
French Proverb

IELTS essay With the rapid advancement of communication technology such as smartphones, tablets and other mobile devices, some people believe that the disadvantagesoutweigh the advantages. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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