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Women and men are commonly seen as having differet strenght and weaknesses. it is right to exclude males or females from certain professuins because of their gender? v.2

Women and men are commonly seen as having differet strenght and weaknesses. it is right to exclude males or females from certain professuins because of their gender? v. 2
It is undeniable that there have always been differences in the types of work men and women. Some people think that based on the gender, the government should be exclude certain occupasions of women and men. In my opinion, it is depends on of choice in terms of employment for both male and females. On the one hand, everyone has dreams and jobs that that love. Some people want to become a tailor, others like becoming a pilot or police officer. In my countries, everyone suppose that tailors is a work suitable for women because they think that females are always clever and meticulous. So, they can tailor products to be beautiful and quality. However, men can do that, meticulous and ingenious are the personality that humans can practice. They can even create better products than women. Another for example, some people believe that male should become a police officer than females because polices need to physical strength and good health to solving many problems. Nevertheless, female police officers may have greater understanding of domestic violence and better range of strategies for dealing with this problem. On the other hand, there are many occupations only suitable for mainly by men or women. For instance, patients in hospital would probably appreciate having female nurses to look after them. It could also be argued that certain jobs requiring a great deal of physical strength, coal mining or logging should continue to be done making by men. Female nursy teachers probably have a better understanding of the needs of kids and can teach dancing or singing for them. In conclusion, we should be encourage gender equality and respect for both males and females in terms od employment' s choice.
It is undeniable that there have always been differences in the types of work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that based on the gender, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should be
Consider using the past participle "excluded"?
exclude
certain
Possible spelling mistake found.
occupasions
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
. In my opinion, it is depends on of choice in terms of employment for both male and females.

On the one hand, everyone has dreams and jobs that that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
want to become a tailor, others like becoming a pilot or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
police
officer. In my countries, everyone
The pronoun 'everyone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "supposes", "supposed".
suppose
that tailors is a work suitable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
are always clever and meticulous.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they can tailor products to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
and quality.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
can do that, meticulous and ingenious are the personality that humans can practice. They can even create better products than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
. Another
for example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that male should become a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
police
officer than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
polices need to physical strength and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
health to solving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems.
Nevertheless
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
police
officers may have greater understanding of domestic violence and better range of strategies for dealing with this problem.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
occupations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
suitable for
mainly
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
.
For instance
, patients in hospital would
probably
appreciate having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
nurses to look after them. It could
also
be argued
that certain jobs requiring a great deal of physical strength, coal mining or logging should continue to
be done
making by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Female
Possible spelling mistake found.
nursy
teachers
probably
have a better understanding of the needs of kids and can teach dancing or singing for them.

In conclusion
, we should be
Consider using the past participle "encouraged"?
encourage
gender equality and respect for both males and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
terms od
Possible spelling mistake found.
employment&
#039; s choice.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay Women and men are commonly seen as having differet strenght and weaknesses. it is right to exclude males or females from certain professuins because of their gender? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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