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Nowadays, full-time university student tend to focus on their studying. Some people think it is essential for university students to be involved in other activities. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Nowadays, full-time university student tend to focus on their studying. Some people think it is essential for university students to be involved in other activities. v. 2
University education plays an imperative role in shaping career of a student. It presents an opportunity to gain knowledge and makes an individual adept in handling work better. In order to get good jobs and have a bright future, education is a prerequisite. It is lucid from the statement that full-time university students focus more on their studies these days. A number of reasons support this statement. Firstly, students are more concerned about their future these days and are very serious towards their studies. Alumni of reputed universities and business schools are preferred over others who graduate from Tier 2 or lower institutions. Secondly, education is quite expensive these days. Some students, who study through financial grants and loans, tend to more serious towards their studies as they need to clear their financial debt as soon as possible. All these reasons prompt individuals to be diligent towards their education and stay focused. Another school of thought holds an ideology that it is essential for students to be active in other activities as well. I am in strong agreement with this thought as education is directly related to the overall development of an individual. Pursuing hobbies and extra-curricular activities present an opportunity for personality development which is equally important these days. Corporations and businesses prefer individuals who are adept in all verticals of business. The students with good personality have better chances of succeeding at leadership roles and can tackle problems effectively. To recapitulate, focusing on the academic study is important for university students. However, at the same time, the importance of extra-curricular activities cannot be neglected. Colleges and universities change their curriculum and incorporate activities that allow overall development of students. Students are building blocks of a nation and providing them with better opportunities of learning will contribute to nation building.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
plays an imperative role in shaping career of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
. It presents an opportunity to gain knowledge and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
adept in handling work better. In order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
jobs and have a bright future,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is a prerequisite.

It is lucid from the statement that full-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
focus more on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
these days. A number of reasons support this statement.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are more concerned about their future these days and are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
serious towards their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
. Alumni of reputed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
and business schools
are preferred
over others who graduate from Tier 2 or lower institutions.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is quite expensive these days.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
through financial grants and loans, tend to more serious towards their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
as they need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
their financial debt as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible. All these reasons prompt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
to be diligent towards their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and stay focused.

Another school of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
holds an ideology that it is essential for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to be active in other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
as well
. I am in strong agreement with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is
directly
related to the
overall
development of an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
. Pursuing hobbies and extra-curricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
present an opportunity for personality development which is
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
these days. Corporations and businesses prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
who are adept in all verticals of business. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
personality have better chances of succeeding at leadership roles and can tackle problems
effectively
.

To recapitulate, focusing on the academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
However
, at the same time, the importance of extra-curricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
cannot
be neglected
. Colleges and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their curriculum and incorporate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
overall
development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
are building blocks of a nation and providing them with better opportunities of learning will contribute to nation building.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
One should not aim at being possible to understand but at being impossible to misunderstand.
Marcus Fabius Quintilian

IELTS essay Nowadays, full-time university student tend to focus on their studying. Some people think it is essential for university students to be involved in other activities. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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