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Women and men are commonly seen as having different strength and weaknesses. Is it right to exclude males or females from certain professions because of their gender? v.1

Women and men are commonly seen as having different strength and weaknesses. Is it right to exclude males or females from certain professions because of their gender? v. 1
It is considered that men and women are having some differences in terms of strength and weaknesses. I personally think these kind of differences should not let any male or female to be excluded from any sort of profession because of their gender. I think that people should be employed in any position by their interest and their talent. Therefore, gender is playing no role for any profession. For example, a woman can be employed in a space station if she has enough interest and talent by a good practice and teaching. So, practicing and preparing for the professions is more likely to be significant for any position rather than gender. According to many authority declarations, there are not only two gender available in human communities and it is contained more gender and style. For instance, people with bisexuality or transsexuality preferences. In our universe every life is precious and everyone should have a similar chance of living. In my opinion, anyone should freely choose their professional interests and try to compete with others to get the positions they want. Employers on the other hand, should be more open minded and utilize everyone’s talent and experience without considering their gender. Because, some jobs or positions are assumed for men by default such as presidency of a country. People normally think that a woman may not be able to handle such position. However, in my point of view we will never find-out if we never let a woman to become president of a country. Overall, I personally disagree with considering differences between men and women and I think the strength and weakness are not related to gender. People can improve their weaknesses by knowing and paying attention to them to increase their abilities. Another thing I can say is that team work can cover the weaknesses of employees and turn it to strength which is obvious in human social life.
It
is considered
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women are having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
differences in terms of strength and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weaknesses
. I
personally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of differences should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
any male or female to
be excluded
from any sort of profession
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their gender.

I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
be employed
in any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
by their interest and their talent.
Therefore
, gender is playing no role for any profession.
For example
, a woman can
be employed
in a space station if she has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
interest and talent by a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
practice and teaching.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, practicing and preparing for the professions is more likely to be significant for any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
rather
than gender.

According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
authority declarations, there are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
two
Possible agreement error. The noun 'gender' seems to be countable, so consider using: "genders".
gender
available in human communities and it
is contained
more gender and style.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with bisexuality or
Possible spelling mistake found.
transsexuality
preferences. In our universe every life is precious and everyone should have a similar chance of living. In my opinion, anyone should
freely
choose their professional interests and try to compete with others to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
they want.

Employers
on the other hand
, should be more
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
open minded
and utilize everyone’s talent and experience without considering their gender.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
jobs or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
are assumed
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
by default such as presidency of a country.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
normally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that a woman may not be able to handle such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
.
However
, in my point of view we will never find-out if we never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
a woman to become president of a country.

Overall
, I
personally
disagree with considering differences between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women and I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
the strength and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weakness
are not related to gender.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weaknesses
by knowing and paying attention to them to increase their abilities. Another thing I can say is that team work can cover the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weaknesses
of employees and turn it to strength which is obvious in human social life.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
The man who does not know other languages, unless he is a man of genius, necessarily has deficiencies in his ideas.
Victor Hugo

IELTS essay Women and men are commonly seen as having different strength and weaknesses. Is it right to exclude males or females from certain professions because of their gender? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
319 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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