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Woman and men are commonly seen as having strength and weaknesses. Is it right to exclude males or females from certain professions because of their gender? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.1

Woman and men are commonly seen as having strength and weaknesses. Is it right to exclude males or females from certain professions because of their gender? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v. 1
There is no doubt that women and men are built different, each one has their strengths and weaknesses. In my opinion, professions should not discriminate anyone on the basis of gender. However, there are some exceptions. In this essay, I am going to discuss my views and support them with examples. First and foremost, men and women should be considered equally for the fields that require mental ability rather than physical ability. The reason for this is because these professions require problem-solving ability, which does not depend on physical strength. For example, desk jobs such as software jobs require solving real-world problems, which can be solved by anyone with good programming skills. Furthermore, encouraging more people irrespective of gender can increase the number of people bringing in their diverse ideas to innovate, thus boosting the economy and creating further jobs. Favouring only one gender while disregarding the other can lead to community clashes thereby drastically affecting the nation's stability. However, certain careers require both physical and mental strength. Although women are known to have good intellect, they are not naturally built strong. For instance, jobs related to the construction field impose a lot of physical stress on the workers. If women are considered for these jobs, they may not be able to handle this burden and might succumb to mental and physical stress. This could result in a loss to the company due to low output and compensation that needs to be paid as part of the health insurance for the employees. In conclusion, while employers should not discriminate anyone based on gender, in my view, there are certain professions that only a particular gender can handle.
There is no doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
are built
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
, each one has their strengths and weaknesses. In my opinion, professions should not discriminate anyone on the basis of gender.
However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
exceptions. In this essay, I am going to discuss my views and support them with examples.

First
and foremost,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
should
be considered
equally
for the fields that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
require
mental ability
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
ability.
The reason for this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these professions
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
require
problem-solving ability, which does not depend on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
strength.
For example
, desk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
such as software
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
require
solving real-world problems, which can
be solved
by anyone with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
programming
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Furthermore
, encouraging more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
irrespective of gender can increase the number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
bringing in their diverse
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
to innovate,
thus
boosting the economy and creating
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
Possible spelling mistake. 'Favouring' is British English.
Favouring
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one gender while disregarding the other can lead to community clashes thereby
drastically
affecting the nation's stability.

However
, certain careers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
require
both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
and mental strength. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are known
to have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
intellect, they are not
naturally
built strong.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
related to the construction field impose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
on the workers. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are considered
for these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, they may not be able to handle this burden and might succumb to mental and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
. This could result in a loss to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
due to low output and compensation that needs to
be paid
as part of the health insurance for the employees.

In conclusion
, while employers should not discriminate anyone based on gender, in my view, there are certain professions that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a particular gender can handle.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
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IELTS essay Woman and men are commonly seen as having strength and weaknesses. Is it right to exclude males or females from certain professions because of their gender? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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