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Some people think that professional athletes make good role models for young people, while others believe they don't. Discuss both these points and give your own opinion. v.10

Some people think that professional athletes make good role models for young people, while others believe they don't. v. 10
Majority people believe that sportsperson are idols for young generation. However, others are of the opinion that this may not be the case. I too agree with the latter statement. Albeit, athletes outstanding in their respective profession do inspire the milennials to follow their footsteps, however, this impact is governed by their success rate. For instance, if the player wins people start admiring him and hence aspire to become one. On the contrary, if they lose, the same people become judgmental. In this scenario, one loses interest in the respective field as a consequence of their role models failure. In addition, in a rat race to gain popularity, athletes portray a good and fair image in front of public. They might also start endorsing some products. The masses being fascinated with the same are sometimes mislead. Consequently, people ignore that this cadre of personalities are also human and can commit error. This ignorance as a bliss distracts them from their prime objective in life and they move towards pursuing their idols journey. On the other hand, athletes are considered as mentors for a huge number of population. Their achievements bring pride and glory to the nation and thereby inculcate sense of brotherhood among us. Moreover, it can become a carrier option for many job-seekers to efficiently earn their bread and butter. To recapitulate, due to the aforementioned reasons, fan following can have its own upsides and downsides. Anything beyond an optimum level is a precursor for the detriment of social well-being.
Majority
people
believe that sportsperson are idols for young generation.
However
, others are of the opinion that this may not be the case.
I too
agree
with the latter statement.

Albeit, athletes outstanding in their respective profession do inspire the
milennials
to follow their footsteps,
however
, this impact
is governed
by their success rate.
For instance
, if the player wins
people
start
admiring him and
hence
aspire to become one.
On the contrary
, if they lose, the same
people
become judgmental. In this scenario, one loses interest in the respective field as a consequence of their role models failure.

In addition
, in a rat race to gain popularity, athletes portray a
good
and
fair
image in front of public. They might
also
start
endorsing
some
products. The masses
being fascinated
with the same are
sometimes
mislead
.
Consequently
,
people
ignore
that this cadre of personalities
are
also
human and can commit error. This ignorance as a bliss distracts them from their prime objective in
life and
they
move
towards pursuing their idols journey.

On the other hand
, athletes
are considered
as mentors for a huge number of population. Their achievements bring pride and glory to the nation and thereby inculcate sense of brotherhood among us.
Moreover
, it can become a carrier option for
many
job-seekers to
efficiently
earn their bread and butter.

To recapitulate, due to the aforementioned reasons, fan following can have its
own
upsides and downsides. Anything beyond an optimum level is a precursor for the detriment of social well-being.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that professional athletes make good role models for young people, while others believe they don't. v. 10

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
251 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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