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Women and men are commonly seen as having different strengths and weaknesses. Is it right to exclude males or females from certain professions because of their gender? v.5

Women and men are commonly seen as having different strengths and weaknesses. Is it right to exclude males or females from certain professions because of their gender? v. 5
It is generally believed that in some cases, males and females have difference ability, skill weakness, limitations and natural talents, especially in a workplace. I am of the belief that they should be distinguished for certain work fields. Assigning the right person in the right place would enhance performance and increase the profit and productivity. I would explain two examples to reinforce my view. Initially, women tend to be more patient in teaching toddlers and adolescences than men. In addition, women better understand what children want and like. Moreover, it is common that woman teachers are higher in number than male teachers in nursery and primary schools. This strength could be best used if women have had more opportunities in teaching children, nursery or any fields that relate to the teaching and interacting with the toddler. Likewise, female are naturally caring and nursing is a great profession for them. It is not uncommon that we can see more female nurses in hospitals that their male counterparts. So from this regards, I agree that some professions are more suitable for female whereas others are to men. Providing that gender base priority in some professions is not a bad idea at all. Another example is male’s natural strength. On an average, men are physically stronger than women. For example, generally labours are mostly males as this job requires hard work and physical strength. The work fields that require more physical strength could be reserved for male employees. Likewise in many jobs employees need to work at night and work publicly which might be inconvenient for female employees in many countries. For such jobs, males should be given priority, I believe. Lastly, men tend to use their logic first but women use their feeling first. Meanwhile, men like extreme challenges than women. Mining in offshore is one of the professions that need logic, bravery, and physical strength at the same time. Men are suitable for doing this job because not only for those requirements but also the commitment to work overtime. To sum up, it is right to exclude men or women in certain work fields. People work based on their passion and ability. Educational background, enthusiasm, skill, talent and suitability can increase the performance and some jobs could be more suitable for male while others for female.
It is
generally
believed that in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
have difference ability,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
weakness, limitations and natural talents,
especially
in a workplace. I am of the belief that they should
be distinguished
for certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
. Assigning the right person in the right place would enhance performance and increase the profit and productivity. I would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
two examples to reinforce my view.

Initially
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
tend to be more patient in teaching toddlers and adolescences than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
better understand what children want and like.
Moreover
, it is common that woman teachers are
A more concise phrase may lose no meaning and sound more powerful.
higher in number
than male teachers in nursery and primary schools. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strength
could be best
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have had more opportunities in teaching children, nursery or any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
that relate to the teaching and interacting with the toddler.
Likewise
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
are
naturally
caring and nursing is a great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profession
for them. It is not uncommon that we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
nurses in hospitals that their male counterparts.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
from
Did you mean "these"?
this
regards, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professions
are more suitable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
whereas others are to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
. Providing that gender base priority in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professions
is not a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
at all.

Another example is male’s natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strength
. On an average,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
are
physically
stronger than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
.
For example
,
generally
Possible spelling mistake. 'labours' is British English.
labours
are
mostly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
as this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
requires
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strength
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
that require more physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strength
could
be reserved
for male employees.
Likewise
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
employees need to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at night and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
publicly
which might be inconvenient for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
employees in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries. For such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
priority, I believe.

Lastly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their logic
first
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their feeling
first
. Meanwhile,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
like extreme challenges than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
. Mining in offshore is one of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professions
that need logic, bravery, and physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strength
at the same time.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Men
are suitable for doing this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for those requirements
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the commitment to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
overtime.

To sum up, it is right to exclude
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
based on their passion and ability. Educational background, enthusiasm,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
, talent and suitability can increase the performance and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
could be more suitable for male while others for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
49Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Women and men are commonly seen as having different strengths and weaknesses. Is it right to exclude males or females from certain professions because of their gender? v. 5

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
384 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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