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Women and men are commonly seen as having different strengths and weaknesses. Is it right to exclude males or females from certain professions because of their gender? v.2

Women and men are commonly seen as having different strengths and weaknesses. Is it right to exclude males or females from certain professions because of their gender? v. 2
Human beings are created as male and female to complement each other. Although it is common to see each gender has its different strengths and weaknesses, it is argued whether that reason gives the right to exclude men or women from certain professions because of their gender. I will show in this essay that should not be the case, based on the existence of exceptions for the rule and the additional advantages obtained by having different genders in a profession. Many general rules seem to have exceptions, and the rule of “there are certain strengths for males and certain strengths for women” could be one of them. The rule may describe the majority of both genders, but there are a lot of examples of men and women who excel in professions of the other gender. The greatest chefs in the world are mostly men, and one of them is Osama Elsayed, a famous chef in the Middle East who is a passionate and creative cooker. Moreover, among the efficient politicians, we find Margaret Thatcher, the prime minister of Britain, who served the country well. So, excluding men and women from specific professions will prevent the world from having a brilliant exception. Besides, having both genders in a profession would enrich the field. Men and women come with different strengths and backgrounds, which will provide a variety of perspectives for solving a problem or developing a solution. For instance, having a female police officer would assist in dealing with children and women abuse crimes. Therefore, it is not an efficient idea to prevent men or women from serving a specific field with their strengths. In summary, in spite of the stereotype of what can men do and what can women do, it is beneficial to have different genders and views in a profession which would improve the results. However, we should not forget the differences and enforce men or women to do the job in a specific way. Instead, encourage both to provide the best of them.
Human beings
are created
as male and female to complement each other. Although it is common to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
each gender has its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strengths
and weaknesses, it
is argued
whether that reason gives the right to exclude
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
from certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their gender. I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
in this essay that should not be the case, based on the existence of
Did you mean "exceptions to"?
exceptions for
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rule
and the additional advantages obtained by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
genders in a profession.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
general
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
seem to have exceptions, and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rule
of “there are certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strengths
for males and certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strengths
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women”
could be one of them. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rule
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
the majority of both genders,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
examples of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
who excel in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professions
of the other gender. The greatest chefs in the world are
mostly
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men
, and one of them is Osama
Possible spelling mistake found.
Elsayed
, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
chef in the Middle East who is a passionate and creative cooker.
Moreover
, among the efficient politicians, we find Margaret Thatcher, the prime minister of Britain, who served the country well.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, excluding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
from specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professions
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the world from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a brilliant exception.

Besides
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
both genders in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profession
would enrich the field.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
with
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different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strengths
and backgrounds, which will provide a variety of perspectives for solving a problem or developing a solution.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a female police officer would assist in dealing with children and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
abuse crimes.
Therefore
, it is not an efficient
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
from serving a specific field with their strengths.

In summary,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
the stereotype of what can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
do and what can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
do, it is beneficial to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
genders and views in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profession
which would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the results.
However
, we should not forget the differences and enforce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
to do the job
Consider replacing "in a specific way" with the adverb for "specific"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a specific way
.
Instead
, encourage both to provide the best of them.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
38Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Women and men are commonly seen as having different strengths and weaknesses. Is it right to exclude males or females from certain professions because of their gender? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
336 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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