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Women and men are commonly seen as having different strengths and weaknesses. Is it right to exclude males or females from certain professions because of their gender? v.3

Women and men are commonly seen as having different strengths and weaknesses. Is it right to exclude males or females from certain professions because of their gender? v. 3
Traditionally men and women work in different fields. Though they have always worked together to build a better world, a subtle difference has always been there in the types of employment they have done. The modern world has changed this perspective to a great extent despite some people’s old-fashioned views that a woman should look after the family and a man should be the bread winner. In my view, gender equality is far more important than considering which sectors are more suitable for a particular gender and which are not. Some people might present traditional arguments regarding the suitability of some posts for females and some others for male, but the modern era teaches us otherwise. In fact, greater freedom of choice in terms of employment can accelerate the development of a nation than the old way of distributed work pattern. For instance, it is believed by many that a female is more suitable for a profession that requires tenderness and caring while men are more adept in doing tasks those demand more physical strength. Thus, according to their opinion, more women should become nurses or teachers than males while logging, mining, and construction works should be solely done by males. However, making occupations more open to both genders have distinctive advantages and in certain cases, mixed-gender work environment outperforms the single-sex workplace. For instance, having an all-female hospital is quite challenging and not a pragmatic idea at all. Men and women can bring diverse perspectives and approaches to a job and a school with both male and female teachers has better teaching environment than a single-sex-teacher one. It is quite logical that a female patient would feel more comfortable to consult with a female doctor while a female police would better understand the domestic violence and bring superior strategies for dealing with the problems. Though traditional view does not support women to become doctors or police, we can definitely understand their needs. To conclude, innovation and advantages the gender equality in job sectors can bring is far-reaching and have greater benefits for the society. The time has come for us to break the traditional and outdated belief of gender-suitable-profession.
Traditionally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
fields. Though they have always worked together to build a better world, a subtle difference has always been there in the types of employment they have done. The modern world has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
this perspective to a great extent despite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
-fashioned views that a woman should look after the family and a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
should be the bread winner. In my view, gender equality is far more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than considering which sectors are more suitable for a particular gender and which are not.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
might present traditional arguments regarding the suitability of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
posts for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
others for male,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the modern era teaches us
otherwise
. In fact, greater freedom of choice in terms of employment can accelerate the development of a nation than the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
way of distributed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
pattern.
For instance
, it
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
is more suitable for a profession that requires tenderness and caring while
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
are more adept in doing tasks those demand more physical strength.
Thus
, according to their opinion, more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
should become nurses or teachers than males while logging, mining, and construction works should be
solely
done by males.

However
, making occupations more open to both genders have distinctive advantages and in certain cases, mixed-gender
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
environment outperforms the single-sex workplace.
For instance
, having an all-female hospital is quite challenging and not a pragmatic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
at all.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
can bring diverse perspectives and approaches to a job and a school with both male and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
teachers has better teaching environment than a single-sex-teacher one. It is quite logical that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
patient would feel more comfortable to consult with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
doctor while a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
police would better understand the domestic violence and bring superior strategies for dealing with the problems. Though traditional view does not support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
to become doctors or police, we can definitely understand their needs.

To conclude
, innovation and advantages the gender equality in job sectors can bring is far-reaching and have greater benefits for the society. The time has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
for us to break the traditional and outdated belief of gender-suitable-profession.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Women and men are commonly seen as having different strengths and weaknesses. Is it right to exclude males or females from certain professions because of their gender? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
360 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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