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Women and men are commonly seen as having different strengths and weaknesses. Is it right to exclude males or females from certain professions because of their gender? v.7

Women and men are commonly seen as having different strengths and weaknesses. Is it right to exclude males or females from certain professions because of their gender? v. 7
Throughout the history, a difference could be observed in the type of jobs men and women have done. However, this old belief that categorises men and women for certain jobs has changed in the modern era and these days, both genders have a greater freedom to choose a career. Some people might possess the old dogma in this regard, I personally, however, believe that gender equality must be encouraged. One group of thought advocates that male are physically stronger and have less vulnerability while working in a group of people while females are better caretakers and soft-hearted. This is why, according to them, certain works like logging, coal mining and construction works are more suitable for men while teaching, cleaning and nursing should be done by females. While all-female or all-male employee concept is supported by some, I think a balanced workplace, where an equal number of men and women work together, is more suitable in terms of social, economic and gender equality perspectives. It is more practical to make occupations open to both sexes as it has distinctive advantages. Due to a slightly different way of dealing an event by men and women in general, having both male and female employees in an organisation brings more innovations and open new opportunities. For example, a female police officer may have a greater understanding of domestic violence and a better range of strategies for dealing with the problem while a male nurse can better judge the need of a male patient in a hospital. To draw the conclusion, gender-based occupation at a first glance may seem beneficial but in reality, the gender equality can ensure better performance, innovation and social progress.
Throughout the history, a difference could
be observed
in the type of jobs
men
and
women
have done.
However
, this
old
belief that
categorises
men
and
women
for certain jobs has
changed
in the modern era and these days, both genders have a greater freedom to choose a career.
Some
people
might possess the
old
dogma in this regard, I
personally
,
however
, believe that gender equality
must
be encouraged
.

One group of
thought
advocates that male are
physically
stronger and have less vulnerability while working in a group of
people
while
females
are
better
caretakers and soft-hearted. This is why, according to them, certain works like logging, coal mining and construction works are more suitable for
men
while teaching, cleaning and nursing should
be done
by
females
. While all-female or all-male employee concept
is supported
by
some
, I
think
a balanced workplace, where an equal number of
men
and
women
work together, is more suitable in terms of social, economic and gender equality perspectives.

It is more practical to
make
occupations open to both sexes as it has distinctive advantages. Due to a
slightly
different
way of dealing an
event
by
men
and
women
in general
, having both male and
female
employees in an
organisation
brings more innovations and open new opportunities.
For example
, a
female
police officer may have a greater understanding of domestic violence and a
better
range of strategies for dealing with the problem while a male nurse can
better
judge the need of a male patient in a hospital.

To draw the conclusion, gender-based occupation at a
first
glance may seem beneficial
but
in reality, the gender equality can ensure
better
performance, innovation and social progress.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Women and men are commonly seen as having different strengths and weaknesses. Is it right to exclude males or females from certain professions because of their gender? v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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