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Some businesses prohibit smoking in any of their offices. Some governments have banned smoking in all public places. v.3

Some businesses prohibit smoking in any of their offices. Some governments have banned smoking in all public places. v. 3
Smoking has been prohibited inside some companies whereas in few countries it has been totally banned in all the public places. It is agreed that this is an appropriate action because serious consequences of smoking in working areas and in public may lead to fire accidents and heath hazards to self and society. A strong argument could be put forth that smoking should not be allowed in certain work environments. For instance, if there is a lapse of security in an oil and natural gas company like Indian Oil Corporation, then it has to face the ramifications since the probability for fire accidents becomes higher. So the ban imposed is considered to be a right method not only to thwart the resources from being depleted but also to save the lives of the workers from such disaster. Moreover, if smoking is banned in all public places of the country then obviously the overall health of the masses would be improved. Since it becomes a legal issue, if they disobey the rules, people might gradually become de-addicted. For illustration, my uncle decided not to smoke in public amenities like bus stops and railway stations instead of paying a huge amount of fine. Naturally, life-threatening diseases like lung cancer and asthma could reduce and the number of passive smokers might also decline. Eventually, the future citizens of the country are made healthier which would be reflected as their efficiency, productivity and enthusiasm thereby paving way for the country's development. In conclusion, banning smoking either in business sectors or all public places, both are undeniably a wise remedial act because the job environment is made safer and the people are encouraged to lead a healthy lifestyle which in turn contributes to the overall growth of the country. Though smokeless future seems to be skeptical but it could be made possible with joint efforts of all the individuals.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Smoking
has
been prohibited
inside
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
whereas in few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
it has been
totally
banned in all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
places. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
that this is an appropriate action
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
serious consequences of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
in working areas and in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
may lead to fire accidents and heath hazards to self and society.

A strong argument could
be put
forth that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
should not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
in certain work environments.
For instance
, if there is a lapse of security in an oil and natural gas
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
like Indian Oil Corporation, then it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
face the ramifications since the probability for fire accidents becomes higher.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
the ban imposed
is considered
to be a right method not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to thwart the resources from
being depleted
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to save the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of the workers from such disaster.

Moreover
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
is banned
in all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
places of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
then
obviously
the
overall
health of the masses would be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
. Since it becomes a legal issue, if they disobey the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
might
gradually
become
Possible spelling mistake found.
de-addicted
. For illustration, my uncle decided not to smoke in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
amenities like bus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stops
and railway stations
instead
of paying a huge amount of fine.
Naturally
, life-threatening diseases like lung cancer and asthma could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
and the number of passive smokers might
also
decline.
Eventually
, the future citizens of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
are made
healthier which would
be reflected
as their efficiency, productivity and enthusiasm thereby paving way for the country's development.

In conclusion
, banning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
either in business sectors or all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
places, both are
undeniably
a wise remedial act
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the job environment
is made
safer and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are encouraged
to lead a healthy lifestyle which in turn contributes to the
overall
growth of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. Though smokeless future seems to be skeptical
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it could
be made
possible with joint efforts of all the individuals.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some businesses prohibit smoking in any of their offices. Some governments have banned smoking in all public places. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
314 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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