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In some countries, more and more adults are continuing to live with their parents even after they have completed education and found jobs. Do the advantages outweigh disadvantages? v.1

In some countries, more and more adults are continuing to live with their parents even after they have completed education and found jobs. Do the advantages outweigh disadvantages? v. 1
While the majority of the youth in USA shift out of their parents' house at 18 years of age itself, many in India live with their parents even at 25 years of age. Be it part of the norm or the parenting culture, we are posed with a thought evoking dilemma. Do the benefits of staying with your mother and father outweigh the harms? The advantages of living with family are numerous. Being economically feasible, it allows adults to save money out of their earnings while still having a decent and comfortable living with no shortfalls. While most people get homesick and are not able to cope up on their own, residing with parents provides mental support and helps in preventing frequent low points in life. Moreover, it also results in sufficient hours being available for self care and distressing as the burden of housework is shared by all family members. A study conducted on adults in the age category of 20 to 30 years revealed that those staying at home showed signs of better mental and physical health than those living on their own. However, this comes with some major disadvantages. Often, adults become overly dependent on their guardians for the smallest of tasks. They are not able to juggle work and personal life without seeking for help almost all the time. This proves to be detrimental later in life when they are not able to manage on their own. Furthermore, they also become emotionally dependent and suffer from mental health issues in the future. They take a long time to learn to live on their own and adjust in a new environment because of being used to staying in their comfort zone for such a long time. This makes them incompetent and they are thus, often pushed back in the race of life. Therefore, it is clear that staying with family only slows down the development of these individuals than helping them. So, to conclude, I strongly believe that the disadvantages of such a living arrangement outweighs the advantages, and thus, more and more people should start living on their own.
While the majority of the youth
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the USA".
in USA
shift out of their parents'
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
at 18 years of age itself,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
in India
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with their parents even at 25 years of age. Be it part of the norm or the parenting culture, we
are posed
with a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
evoking dilemma. Do the benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staying
with your mother and father outweigh the harms?

The advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
with family are numerous. Being
economically
feasible, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
adults to save money out of their earnings while
still
having a decent and comfortable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
with no shortfalls. While most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
homesick and are not able to cope up on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
, residing with parents provides mental support and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in preventing frequent low points in life.
Moreover
, it
also
results in sufficient hours being available for self care and distressing as the burden of housework
is shared
by all family members. A study conducted on adults in the age category of 20 to 30 years revealed that those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staying
at home
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
signs of better mental and physical health than those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.

However
, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
major disadvantages.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Often
, adults become
overly
dependent on their guardians for the smallest of tasks. They are not able to juggle work and personal life without seeking for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
almost all the time. This proves to be detrimental later in life when they are not able to manage on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
Furthermore
, they
also
become
emotionally
dependent and suffer from mental health issues in the future. They take a long time to learn to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
and adjust in a new environment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staying
in their comfort zone for such a long time. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
incompetent and
they are
thus
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
pushed back in the race of life.

Therefore
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staying
with family
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
slows down the development of these individuals than helping them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
to conclude
, I
strongly
believe that the disadvantages of such a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
arrangement outweighs the advantages, and
thus
, more and more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay In some countries, more and more adults are continuing to live with their parents even after they have completed education and found jobs. Do the advantages outweigh disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
353 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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