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With the rapid development of communication technology, e. g smart phones, tablets and other communication devices, some people believe that the disadvantages of these devices outweigh their advantages. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

With the rapid development of communication technology, e. g smart phones, tablets and other communication devices, some people believe that the disadvantages of these devices outweigh their advantages. v. 1
It is considered by many that with the quick improvement in electrical device, such as mobile phones, iPod and other communication products, a small group of people thinks that the negative effects outweigh the positive effects. In my point of view, I believe that the disadvantages exceed the advantages. First of all, this development will decrease the socialisation between the community. The main reason for this is that a lot of people will be more focussed on their technological products rather than the relationship between the parents and friends. For example, it can be seen that a lot of teenagers and adults are spending most of their spare time on social media, such as Facebook or Twitter. That's why, there has been a huge downward trend explored over the years in the socializing. On the other hand, this will also decrease the quality of the eyesight and it will rise the complications with the vision. This is because the radiation of the products is too dangerous for our body in an unconscious way. For example, it can be the main reason for the reduction of our sight and the redness of our eyes. All in all, the mobile phones and other products can be enjoyable for a couple of times, but can be harmful in a longer period of time. In conclusion, I strongly believe that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages because is will dropped down the relationship with our loved ones and can also have a negative impacts on the human.
It
is considered
by
many
that with the quick improvement in electrical device, such as mobile phones, iPod and other communication
products
, a
small
group of
people
thinks
that the
negative
effects outweigh the
positive
effects. In my point of view, I believe that the disadvantages exceed the advantages.

First of all
, this development will decrease the
socialisation
between the community. The main reason for this is that
a lot of
people
will be more focussed on their technological
products
rather
than the relationship between the parents and friends.
For example
, it can be
seen
that
a lot of
teenagers
and adults are spending most of their spare time on social media, such as Facebook or Twitter. That's why, there has been a huge downward trend explored over the years in the socializing.

On the other hand
, this will
also
decrease the quality of the eyesight and it will rise the complications with the vision. This is
because
the radiation of the
products
is too
dangerous
for our body
in an unconscious way
.
For example
, it can be the main reason for the reduction of our sight and the redness of our eyes. All in all, the mobile phones and other
products
can be enjoyable for a couple of times,
but
can be harmful in a longer period of time.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
believe that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages
because
is will
dropped down
the relationship with our
loved
ones and can
also
have a
negative
impacts on the human.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay With the rapid development of communication technology, e. g smart phones, tablets and other communication devices, some people believe that the disadvantages of these devices outweigh their advantages. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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