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With the rapid advancement of communication technology eg smartphones tablets and other mobile devices some people believe that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages To what extent do you agree or disagree v.1

With the rapid advancement of communication technology eg smartphones tablets and other mobile devices some people believe that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages v. 1
On the proliferation of technology, some people believe that the downsides of high-tech devices overshadow their benefits. While I accept that these bleeding-edge technologies could bring some drawbacks, I also believe that the role of them is pivotal. On the one hand, there are two primary reasons why this advancement could take a toll on our health and society. First, we would gradually no longer communicate directly with others if we become over-reliant on this technology, hence leading to an apathetic attitude in society. To illustrate, when entering a milk tea shop, it is noticeable to encounter groups of young people just staring at the smartphone screens devoid of interacting with each other. Second, several health problems can be attributable to the excessive use of this bleeding-edge technology. Backache, eyesight degradation or obesity is now on the rise since people, for an instant, nurture the habit of spending hours on digital platforms. On the other hand, it seems to me that new lines of mobile phones and tablets also bring about a handful of advantages. One evident strength is that the availability of smartphones has empowered people to conveniently keep in touch with friends and relatives regardless of geographic adversities, For example, my aunt in Canada could not return to Vietnam regularly due to hectic working hours, so she tends to utilize FaceTime to contact us if possible. Another positive aspect is that such technological development is a threshold of a new world where people are connected in a global network. Via social networking applications such as Facebook or Instagram, for example, people can mingle with others of divergent backgrounds, races, and ethnicities. In conclusion, while I recognize that the growth of communication technologies will be prone to entail several disadvantages, I also argue that these cutting-edge devices could be conducive to enriching our’s social lives.
On the proliferation of
technology
,
some
people
believe that the downsides of high-tech devices overshadow their benefits. While I accept that these bleeding-edge
technologies
could bring
some
drawbacks, I
also
believe that the role of them is pivotal.

On the one hand, there are two primary reasons why this advancement could take a toll on our health and society.
First
, we would
gradually
no longer communicate
directly
with others if we become over-reliant on this
technology
,
hence
leading to an apathetic attitude in society. To illustrate, when entering a milk tea shop, it is noticeable to encounter groups of young
people
just
staring at the smartphone screens devoid of interacting with each
other
. Second, several health problems can be attributable to the excessive
use
of this bleeding-edge
technology
. Backache, eyesight degradation or obesity is
now
on the rise since
people
, for an instant, nurture the habit of spending hours on digital platforms.

On the
other
hand, it seems to me that new lines of mobile phones and tablets
also
bring about a handful of advantages. One evident strength is that the availability of smartphones has empowered
people
to
conveniently
keep
in touch with friends and relatives regardless of geographic adversities,
For example
, my aunt in Canada could not return to Vietnam
regularly
due to hectic working hours,
so
she tends to utilize FaceTime to contact us if possible. Another
positive
aspect is that such technological development is a threshold of a new world where
people
are connected
in a global network. Via social networking applications such as Facebook or Instagram,
for example
,
people
can mingle with others of divergent backgrounds, races, and ethnicities.

In conclusion
, while I recognize that the growth of communication
technologies
will be prone to entail several disadvantages, I
also
argue that these cutting-edge devices could be conducive to enriching
our’s
social
lives
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay With the rapid advancement of communication technology eg smartphones tablets and other mobile devices some people believe that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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