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Reasearch has shown that overeating is as harmful as smoking. Therefore, the advertising of certain food products should be banned in the same way as the advertising of cigarettes is banned. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

Reasearch has shown that overeating is as harmful as smoking. Therefore, the advertising of certain food products should be banned in the same way as the advertising of cigarettes is banned. v. 2
It is the fact that eating too much is as detrimental as smoking, so the government should prohibit food product ads as they do with cigarettes. While I accept this measure could be well-founded, I believe that it is unreasonable to forbid the advertisement of particular food products. On the one hand, it is widely believed that some particular food ads could indirectly put people’s health in jeopardy, like smoking. Via television channels, children normally watch food advertisements such as McDonald and KFC, these ads make them tempted to consume fast food instead of healthy food like vegetables. In the long-term, it is possible for children to be obese, because fast food is high in fat and starch. Additionally, attractive food advertisements can stimulate appetite spontaneously, causing symptoms of mental health. For example, my nephew would become aggressive and smash furniture if his mother does not buy junk food. On the other hand, I believe that there are some reasons why the authorities should not ban the advertising of certain food items. Firstly, many food manufacturers consider that advertisement is the most effective measure to approach potential customers and introduce their new products in the market. If their ads are imposed a ban, corporate profits would significantly drop, causing these companies to be on the brink of bankruptcy. Secondly, banning these ads is an obvious disadvantage for consumers because they could not be well-informed about the products they intend to purchase. Finally, eye-catching food advertisements might help those who suffer from anorexia consume more food. In conclusion, while I recognize that forbidding the advertising of specific foodstuffs would prevent health problems, I argue that imposing a ban on these ads is not appropriate.
It is the fact that eating too much is as detrimental as smoking,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should prohibit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
product ads as they do with cigarettes. While I accept this measure could be well-founded, I believe that it is unreasonable to forbid the
The usual collocation for "advertisement" is "for" not "of". Did you mean "advertisement for"?
advertisement of
particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
products.

On the one hand, it is
widely
believed that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
ads could
indirectly
put
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s health in jeopardy, like smoking. Via television channels, children
normally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
such as McDonald and KFC, these ads
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them tempted to consume
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
instead
of healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
like vegetables. In the long-term, it is possible for children to be obese,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is high in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
and starch.
Additionally
, attractive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
can stimulate appetite
spontaneously
, causing symptoms of mental health.
For example
, my nephew would become aggressive and smash furniture if his mother does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
junk food.

On the other hand
, I believe that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons why the authorities should not ban the advertising of certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
items.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
manufacturers consider that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
is the most effective measure to approach potential customers and introduce their new products in the market. If their ads
are imposed
a ban, corporate profits would
significantly
drop, causing these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to be on the brink of bankruptcy.
Secondly
, banning these ads is an obvious disadvantage for consumers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they could not be well-informed about the products they intend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
.
Finally
, eye-catching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
those who suffer from anorexia consume more food.

In conclusion
, while I recognize that forbidding the advertising of specific foodstuffs would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
health problems, I argue that imposing a ban on these ads is not appropriate.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Reasearch has shown that overeating is as harmful as smoking. Therefore, the advertising of certain food products should be banned in the same way as the advertising of cigarettes is banned. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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