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With the pressures on today’s young people to succeed academically, some people believe that non-academic subjects at school (eg: physical education and cookery) should be removed from the syllabus so that children can concentrate wholly on academic sub v.2

With the pressures on today’s young people to succeed academically, some people believe that non-academic subjects at school (eg: physical education and cookery) should be removed from the syllabus so that children can concentrate wholly on academic sub v. 2
The past 50 years have seen a dramatic increase in the availability of fast food. Some laud its Convenience and relatively low cost; however, in this essay I intend to argue that this kind of food is detrimental both to the individuals that consume it and to society at large. There are two primary reasons for this. First of all, it is an undeniable fact that consuming fast food to excess results in serious health problems. Foods such as fried chicken, hamburgers and chips – which are incredibly high in fat and salt are responsible for such ailments as high blood pressure, obesity and heart disease. Moreover, although I certainly agree that fast food is both affordable and convenient, the cost and inconvenience of treating the illnesses it causes in later life are significant. In other words, while fast food is beneficial in the short term, its long-term effects are generally negative. Further and even more importantly, though, some fast food chains deliberately attempt to attract children in order to shape their future eating habits. One particularly good example of this is the character Ronald McDonald the bright clothes and smile of the McDonalds clown are a beacon to children. Having grown up eating in McDonalds restaurants, people are likely to continue eating there throughout their adult lives. It is also interesting to note that McDonalds provides playgrounds and frequently holds children’s birthday parties in order to attract young children and their parents. By way of conclusion, I believe that fast food will continue to become more popular as the pace of life increases. Given the health risks associated with this trend, I believe that public education campaigns warning people about the dangers of fast food would be warranted.
The past 50 years have
seen
a dramatic increase in the availability of
fast
food
.
Some
laud its Convenience and
relatively
low cost;
however
, in this essay I intend to argue that this kind of
food
is detrimental both to the individuals that consume it and to society at large. There are two primary reasons for this.

First of all
, it is an undeniable fact that consuming
fast
food
to excess results in serious health problems.
Foods
such as fried chicken, hamburgers and chips

which are
incredibly
high in
fat
and salt are responsible for such ailments as high blood pressure, obesity and heart disease.
Moreover
, although I
certainly
agree
that
fast
food
is both affordable and convenient, the cost and inconvenience of treating the illnesses it causes in later life are significant.
In other words
, while
fast
food
is beneficial in the short term, its long-term effects are
generally
negative
.

Further
and even more
importantly
, though,
some
fast
food
chains
deliberately
attempt to attract
children
in order to shape their future eating habits. One
particularly
good
example of this is the character Ronald McDonald the bright clothes and smile of the
McDonalds
clown are a beacon to
children
. Having grown up eating in
McDonalds
restaurants,
people
are likely to continue eating there throughout their adult
lives
. It is
also
interesting to note that
McDonalds
provides playgrounds and
frequently
holds
children’s
birthday parties in order to attract young
children
and their parents.

By way of conclusion, I believe that
fast
food
will continue to become more popular as the pace of life increases.
Given
the health
risks
associated with this trend, I believe that public education campaigns warning
people
about the
dangers
of
fast
food
would
be warranted
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay With the pressures on today’s young people to succeed academically, some people believe that non-academic subjects at school (eg: physical education and cookery) should be removed from the syllabus so that children can concentrate wholly on academic sub v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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