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With the pressure on today’s young people to succeed academically, some people believe that non-academic subjects at school (eg: physical education and cookery) should be removed from the syllabus so that children can concentrate wholly on academic subj v.1

With the pressure on today’s young people to succeed academically, some people believe that non-academic subjects at school (eg: physical education and cookery) should be removed from the syllabus so that children can concentrate wholly on academic subj v. 1
In this contemporary world, the crime rates and the number of criminals is escalating remarkably. Some people opine that the custodial sentence is a crucial option for penalizing the offenders, while others believe that there are other significant methods to punish them. This essay will highlight that such simpler punishment is only acceptable for the minor offences, however, a serious lawbreaker must receive a penalty accordingly. To begin with, if an individual is involved in some petty crimes, due to a certain circumstance or pressure, then providing unpaid community services or other trivial retributions is justifiable. Offences such as shoplifting and pickpocketing are usually carried out by the destitute younger ones to satisfy their appetite or to reduce the financial burden of the family. For instance, in India, an offender engaged in such misdeed is punished to execute a public work without payment which has indirectly helped the economy of the nation, as the government are not bound to pay the workers. Thus, such kind of crimes which have no significant impact on the society or the country could be penalized by a simpler process. Nevertheless, misdeeds such as murder, kidnapping and rape are extremely serious, and the culprit involved in such situations must be allowed with the custodial sentence. Even if the offence is performed under some substance or by the younger ones, they must be provided with a harsh penalty, but only after proven guilty. To illustrate, a survey recently taken by the Nepal Human Rights Foundation stated that after the government implemented the law to allocate a lifetime imprisonment to the lawbreaker engaged in such consequential crimes, since then the crime rate has declined significantly from 49℅ to 27℅ within 3 years. In conclusion, I believe that granting a simple penalty for the criminal performing a minor misdeed is convenient. However, serious crimes must be punished with the prison sentence or other harsh vengeance accordingly.
In this contemporary world, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rates and the number of criminals is escalating
remarkably
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
opine that the custodial sentence is a crucial option for penalizing the offenders, while others believe that there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
significant methods to punish them. This essay will highlight that such simpler punishment is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
acceptable for the minor
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
,
however
, a serious lawbreaker
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
receive a penalty
accordingly
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, if an individual
is involved
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
petty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
, due to a certain circumstance or pressure, then providing unpaid community services or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
trivial retributions is justifiable.
Possible spelling mistake. 'Offences' is British English.
Offences
such as shoplifting and
Possible spelling mistake found.
pickpocketing
are
usually
carried out by the destitute younger ones to satisfy their appetite or to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the financial burden of the family.
For instance
, in India, an offender engaged in such misdeed
is punished
to execute a public work without payment which has
indirectly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
the economy of the nation, as the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
are not bound to pay the workers.
Thus
, such kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
which have no significant impact on the society or the country could
be penalized
by a simpler process.

Nevertheless
, misdeeds such as murder, kidnapping and rape are
extremely
serious, and the culprit involved in such situations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
with the custodial sentence. Even if the
Possible spelling mistake. 'offence' is British English.
offence
is performed
under
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
substance or by the younger ones, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be provided
with a harsh penalty,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
after proven guilty. To illustrate, a survey recently taken by the Nepal Human Rights Foundation stated that after the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
implemented the law to allocate a lifetime imprisonment to the lawbreaker engaged in such consequential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
, since then the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate has declined
significantly
from 49℅ to 27℅ within 3 years.

In conclusion
, I believe that granting a simple penalty for the criminal performing a minor misdeed is convenient.
However
, serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be punished
with the prison sentence or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
harsh vengeance
accordingly
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages knows nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay With the pressure on today’s young people to succeed academically, some people believe that non-academic subjects at school (eg: physical education and cookery) should be removed from the syllabus so that children can concentrate wholly on academic subj v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
318 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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