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With the pressures on today’s young people to succeed academically, some people believe that non-academic subjects at school (eg: physical education and cookery) should be removed from the syllabus so that children can concentrate wholly on academic sub v.3

With the pressures on today’s young people to succeed academically, some people believe that non-academic subjects at school (eg: physical education and cookery) should be removed from the syllabus so that children can concentrate wholly on academic sub v. 3
The majority of< span style=" font-size: 19. 36px; " > schools devote most of the school day to academic classes and are planning to < /span> < span style=" font-size: 19. 36px; " > cut< /span> < span style=" font-size: 19. 36px; " > the time for physical education and other non-academic classes. However, not everyone agrees with this way of dividing up the school day. While there are people who think that school should only be about academics, others believe that physical education is also important for the children' s lives, and I agree with this point of view. Some people feel that school < /span> should be< span style=" font-size: 19. 36px; " > all about academics. According to this point of view, children need to spend their entire school day learning math, science, literature, and history. Devoting time to these subjects is the best way to prepare children for their future university education and careers. If children enjoy play sports, they should do it outside of school time. Other people, however, feel that physical education is an important part of a child' s education. According to this point of view, physical education teaches children important skills such as teamwork, leadership, and how to win and lose gracefully. In addition, physical education classes are the best way to < /span> ensure< span style=" font-size: 19. 36px; " > that children get regular physical exercise that they need to stay healthy. Finally, if children spend a little time every day being physically active, it helps them concentrate better on their academic work. I agree that devoting some school time to physical education is necessary. If schools don' t give importance to physical education, children will not learn that it is important. They won' t get the exercise they need to grow up healthy. They won' t choose to play sports if no one teaches them that they are important. Academics are important, but < /span> < span style=" font-size: 19. 36px; " > physical< /span> < span style=" font-size: 19. 36px; " > education is important, too. Schools need to prepare children for all aspects of life, without excluding the care of their physical health. < /span>
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academic
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time
for
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physical
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education
and other non-academic classes.
However
, not everyone
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agrees
with this way of dividing up the
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school
day. While there are
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people
who
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think
that
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school
should
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only
be about
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academics
, others believe that
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physical
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education
is
also
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important
for the
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children&
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lives
, and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this point of view.

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Some
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people
feel that
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school
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&gt
; all about
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academics
. According to this point of view,
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children
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need
to spend their entire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
day learning math, science, literature, and history. Devoting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to these subjects is the best way to prepare
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children
for their future university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and careers. If
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children
enjoy play sports, they should do it outside of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
time.

Other
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people
,
however
, feel that
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physical
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education
is an
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important
part of a
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child&
#039; s
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education
. According to this point of view,
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physical
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education
teaches
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children
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important
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
such as teamwork, leadership, and how to win and lose
gracefully
.
In addition
,
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physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
classes are the best way to
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;
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ensure&lt
;
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;
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; that
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children
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get
regular
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physical
exercise that they
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need
to stay healthy.
Finally
, if
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children
spend a
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little
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time
every day being
physically
active, it
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helps
them concentrate better on their
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academic
work.

I
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agree
that devoting
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some
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school
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time
to
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physical
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education
is necessary. If
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schools
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don&
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physical
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education
,
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children
will not learn that it is
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important
. They
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won&
#039; t
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get
the exercise they
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need
to grow up healthy. They
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won&
#039; t choose to play sports if no one teaches them that they are
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important
.

Academics are
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important
,
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but
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education
is
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important
, too.
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Schools
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need
to prepare
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children
for all aspects of life, without excluding the care of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
health.
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5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
77Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
48Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay With the pressures on today’s young people to succeed academically, some people believe that non-academic subjects at school (eg: physical education and cookery) should be removed from the syllabus so that children can concentrate wholly on academic sub v. 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
368 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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