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With the pressure on today’s young people to succeed academically, some people believe that non-academic subjects at school (eg: physical education and cookery) should be removed from the syllabus so that children can concentrate wholly on academic subj v.2

With the pressure on today’s young people to succeed academically, some people believe that non-academic subjects at school (eg: physical education and cookery) should be removed from the syllabus so that children can concentrate wholly on academic subj v. 2
There is no denying the fact that children nowadays have a high incidence of stress to gain the best score in academics. Those of them who score high grades in academics are more likely to have a successful career in the future. However, most schools include both academic and non-academic subjects in the sillabus so that many parents and teachers believe that non-academic subjects should be removed from the school curriculum. To begin with, non-academic activities mean having some relaxation through doing sports, dancing, jumping and playing mobile games. In fact, it help students to concentrate more on academic subjects and, of course, improve their health. For example, regularly physically active students are active in general. They feel strong themselves and set to achieve any goals. In addition, these physical activities play in significant role in enhancing children' s talents and essential skills like cookery or learning how to survive. Obviously, sport and physical education provide children the knowledge of working in team, setting goals or acquiring the discipline. For example, cub scout summer schools or role-playing, which improve communication skills and teamwork spirit. In conclusion, I am convinced that non-academic subjects are crucially important for children' s development and necessary to future healthy physically active generations. After all, we need not only scientists or writers, the world requires strong athletes, actors, cookers, and many other professionals as well.
There is no denying the fact that
children
nowadays have a high incidence of
stress
to gain the best score in
academics
. Those of them who score high grades in
academics
are more likely to have a successful career in the future.
However
, most schools include both
academic
and non-academic
subjects
in the
sillabus
so
that
many
parents and teachers believe that non-academic
subjects
should
be removed
from the school curriculum.

To
begin
with, non-academic activities mean having
some
relaxation through doing sports, dancing, jumping and playing mobile games. In fact, it
help
students to concentrate more on
academic
subjects
and,
of course
,
improve
their health.
For example
,
regularly
physically
active students are active
in general
. They feel strong themselves and set to achieve any goals.

In addition
, these physical activities play in significant role in enhancing
children&
#039; s talents and essential
skills
like cookery or learning how to survive.
Obviously
, sport and physical education provide
children
the knowledge of working in team, setting goals or acquiring the discipline.
For example
, cub scout summer schools or role-playing, which
improve
communication
skills
and teamwork spirit.

In conclusion
, I
am convinced
that non-academic
subjects
are
crucially
important
for
children&
#039; s development and necessary to future healthy
physically
active generations.
After all
, we need not
only
scientists or writers, the world requires strong athletes, actors, cookers, and
many
other professionals
as well
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay With the pressure on today’s young people to succeed academically, some people believe that non-academic subjects at school (eg: physical education and cookery) should be removed from the syllabus so that children can concentrate wholly on academic subj v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
229 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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