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Some people believe that the purpose of education is to prepare individuals to be useful members of society. Others believe that the purpose of education is to achieve personal ambitions. Discuss both views and give your own opinions. Give reasons for your v.2

Some people believe that the purpose of education is to prepare individuals to be useful members of society. Others believe that the purpose of education is to achieve personal ambitions. Give reasons for your v. 2
Nowadays, more and more people are concerned about the purpose of education. some say that individuals are educated on purpose to be a useful part of society, but others say that it is the aim of achievable personal ambitions. I agree with both opinions so that, in this essay, I will address both aspects and suggest my experience. first of all, many educational resources focus on to get a job or making a living. this is a clearly good sign during the decades. Because it could help people make more opportunities, for example studying qualifications is good for an unemployed person who writes one more sentence in his or her resume. Most research shows that between low-educated with fewer qualifications and well-educated with more qualification have big differences. Companies assume the second is better than the first one. it means who wants to be essential members of the present generation should be taught with qualified educational resources. Secondly, certain fields require typical educations to relate their majors, therefore it is one of the ways to fulfill their achievements in order to dive into their field of study. Everyone knows odds are interested in studying a lot than extraordinary people. However, even some were ordinary people once they found their way, they study in needed. For me, I do not have any interests in studying english but I want to live in Canada then I must get a high score of english exam. that is my purpose for studying english really hard so as to get good test results. In conclusion, there are many ways why you decide to study, it could be the destination of your life or want to be a good association for this society. No worries about what you decide.
Nowadays, more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are concerned
about the purpose of education.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
some
say that individuals
are educated
on purpose to be a useful part of society,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
others say that it is the aim of achievable personal ambitions. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with both opinions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that, in this essay, I will address both aspects and suggest my experience.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
first of all
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
educational resources focus on to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a job or making a living.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
this
is a
clearly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
during the decades.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
it could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more opportunities,
for example
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
qualifications is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
for an unemployed person who writes one more sentence in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
resume. Most research
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that between low-educated with fewer qualifications and well-educated with more qualification have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
differences.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Companies
assume the second is better than the
first
one.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
it
means who wants to be essential members of the present generation should
be taught
with qualified educational resources.

Secondly
, certain fields require typical educations to relate their majors,
therefore
it is one of the ways to fulfill their achievements in order to dive into their field of study. Everyone knows odds
are interested
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
a lot than extraordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
However
, even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
were ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
once they found their way, they study in needed. For me, I do not have any interests in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
Possible spelling mistake found.
english
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in Canada then I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a high score of
Possible spelling mistake found.
english
exam.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
that
is my purpose for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
Possible spelling mistake found.
english
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
results.

In conclusion
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways why you decide to study, it could be the destination of your life or want to be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
association for this society. No worries about what you decide.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that the purpose of education is to prepare individuals to be useful members of society. Others believe that the purpose of education is to achieve personal ambitions. Give reasons for your v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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