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In the past people used to live in one house their whole life Nowadays people live in several different places during their life What are the reasons for this change Is it a positive or a negative trend v.1

In the past people used to live in one house their whole life Nowadays people live in several different places during their life What are the reasons for this change Is it a positive or a negative trend v. 1
This is a universally acknowledged fact that modern technology has drastically affected the way of living. Nowadays people are moving from one place to another due to numerous reasons. It is believed that it puts positive impact on both individuals as well as nations. These points of view will be discussed in the forthcoming paragraphs. To begin with, due to globalization, this trend has been hiked at a rapid pace. It is certainly true that there are better opportunities for taking desirable jobs in some developed nations. For instance, in India, the unemployment becomes major problem for skilled and unskilled workers. To get an employment, they usually go to some major cities from rural areas. That’s why they cannot live in their own habitations for a long time during the whole life. Inclusively, some people want calm and quiet environment for doing work such as writer, painter and so on. Therefore, they prefer to live in countryside area. What is more, due to privatization, the employers cannot give permanent job to his employees. Thus, individuals are regularly changed homes in this competitive era. However, some people think that it has enormous advantages for human beings. To paraphrase, if they will move to developed country then definitely the standard of living would be boomed in a foreseeable future. So, it will flourish the business of such places indeed. Secondly, they can get valuable information about other traditions and customs. Hence, it will increase co-operation between them. Additionally, people can find better job from which they can earn massive amount of wealth to fulfill their dreams. Thus, it is a big reason that many thinkers gravitate towards this phenomenon as a positive sign. Laconically, it is demonstrated that change is a part of life and is always required for the progress of mankind. Nevertheless, people should not forget their own culture just for the sake of modernization.
This is a
universally
acknowledged fact that modern technology has
drastically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
the way of living. Nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are moving from one place to another due to numerous reasons. It
is believed
that it puts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on both individuals
Probable usage error. Use "and" after 'both'.
as well as
nations. These points of view will
be discussed
in the forthcoming paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, due to globalization, this trend has
been hiked
at a rapid pace. It is
certainly
true that there are better opportunities for taking desirable jobs in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
developed nations.
For instance
, in India, the unemployment becomes major problem for skilled and unskilled workers. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an employment, they
usually
go to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
major cities from rural areas. That’s why they cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
habitations for a long time during the whole life.
Inclusively
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want calm and quiet environment for doing work such as writer, painter and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Therefore
, they prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in countryside area.
What is more
, due to privatization, the employers cannot give permanent job to his employees.
Thus
, individuals are
regularly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
homes in this competitive era.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it has enormous advantages for human beings. To paraphrase, if they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed country
then definitely the standard of living would
be boomed
in a foreseeable future.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it will flourish the business of such places
indeed
.
Secondly
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
valuable information about other traditions and customs.
Hence
, it will increase co-operation between them.
Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can find better job from which they can earn massive amount of wealth to fulfill their dreams.
Thus
, it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
reason that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
thinkers gravitate towards this phenomenon as a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
.

Laconically
, it
is demonstrated
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
is a part of life and is always required for the progress of mankind.
Nevertheless
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should not forget their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
culture
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
for the sake of modernization.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay In the past people used to live in one house their whole life Nowadays people live in several different places during their life What are the reasons for this change Is it a positive or a negative trend v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
315 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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