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With the increased use of computers, education is being delivered online without teachers. It is likely that there would be no role of teachers in providing education in the future. Do you agree with this view? v.2

With the increased use of computers, education is being delivered online without teachers. It is likely that there would be no role of teachers in providing education in the future. Do you agree with this view? v. 2
It is a known fact that professional athletes can earn more than professionals working in other important fields. While some people argue that this is unfair, I would like to think otherwise. In this essay, I am going to discuss both sides of the argument and support them with examples. On the one hand, there are other fields such as health and science which are more important than sports. This is because these are the sectors that employ the majority of any country, thus increasing the economy of the nation. Also, these are the fields that innovate and provide solutions to the problems faced by humanity. For instance, during the recent corona virus outbreak, it was the employees from these fields that carried the maximum effort to curb down the spread. If recruits in these fields are not paid handsomely, then they may not take any interest in work. This could result in less innovation and ultimately leading to a decline in GDP. On the other hand, sports professionals are the pride of the nation. The reason for this being that they represent the country at an international level. For instance, many professionals represent their country at the Olympics, which is considered to be one of the most prestigious sports competition of all time. Furthermore, athletics also encourages fitness, therefore promoting the fitness industry and thus creating more jobs. The reason for this is people look up to successful people such as athletes and try to imitate their daily habits. If these athletes are not paid more, then not many people might take an interest in sports. As a result, no one will represent the country on an international stage and might also lead to a fall in the fitness industry. In conclusion, although there are fields that are more important than sports, the overall contribution of athletics outweighs that of the other fields. In my view, with regards to above-mentioned reasons, sports professionals do deserve to be paid more.
It is a known fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
athletes can earn more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
working in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that this is unfair, I would like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
otherwise
. In this essay, I am going to discuss both sides of the argument and support them with examples.

On the one hand, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
such as health and science which are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these are the sectors that employ the majority of any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
,
thus
increasing the economy of the nation.
Also
, these are the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
that innovate and provide solutions to the problems faced by humanity.
For instance
, during the recent
The term "coronavirus" (= disease) is spelled as one word.
corona virus
outbreak, it was the employees from these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
that carried the maximum effort to curb down the spread. If recruits in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
are not paid
handsomely
, then they may not take any interest in work. This could result in less innovation and
ultimately
leading to a decline in GDP.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
are the pride of the nation. The reason for this being that they represent the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
at an international level.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
represent their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
at the Olympics, which
is considered
to be one of the most prestigious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
competition of all time.
Furthermore
, athletics
also
encourages fitness,
therefore
promoting the fitness industry and
thus
creating more jobs.
The reason for this is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
look up to successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
such as athletes and try to imitate their daily habits. If these athletes are not paid more, then not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might take an interest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
As a result
, no one will represent the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
on an international stage and might
also
lead to a fall in the fitness industry.

In conclusion
, although there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
that are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, the
overall
contribution of athletics outweighs that of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
. In my view,
Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
with regards to
above-mentioned reasons,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
do deserve to
be paid
more.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
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IELTS essay With the increased use of computers, education is being delivered online without teachers. It is likely that there would be no role of teachers in providing education in the future. Do you agree with this view? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
330 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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