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Employees sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. Discuss both views and giv v.1

Employees sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. 1
It is argued by some people that children should only use online materials to learn to read, while others choose the other extreme, claiming that only printed ones should be used. In my opinion, children should not stick to only one form of reading materials. Instead, making use of both types is more beneficial for them. On the one hand, online reading materials have several advantages over their printed counterparts. Firstly, online materials can be obtained and stored at ease thanks to the advancement of information technology. As a result, children can get books and magazines they are interested in without leaving their homes. This can further save time, which is spent on obtaining the books, for reading them. Secondly, the content of online materials is often in a wide range with more diverse cultures, compared to the printed ones. Hence, online materials are beneficial for children to deepen their understanding of different cultures in the world. On the other hand, printed reading materials also possess some insurmountable merits, which are hard to find in the online ones. Firstly, printed materials are provided to the children in their original form, which is almost the same as the books in hundreds of years ago. They can help children build connections with the historical culture. For example, printed materials are less harmful to children's eyes, which are immature and vulnerable to the screens used to read online. In conclusion, both online and printed materials have their pros and cons and can not be replaced by the other. From my perspective, I believe that children are most benefited if they make use of both types of materials when they learn to read.
It
is argued
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
materials
to learn to read, while others choose the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
extreme, claiming that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
printed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should not stick to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one form of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
materials
.
Instead
, making
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of both types is more beneficial for them.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
materials
have several advantages over their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
printed
counterparts.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
materials
can
be obtained
and stored at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
thanks to the advancement of information technology.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
books and magazines they
are interested
in without leaving their homes. This can
further
save time, which
is spent
on obtaining the books, for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
them.
Secondly
, the content of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
materials
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
in a wide range with more diverse cultures, compared to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
printed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
materials
are beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to deepen their understanding of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultures in the world.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
printed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
materials
also
possess
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
insurmountable merits, which are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to find in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
printed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
materials
are provided
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in their original form, which is almost the same as the books in hundreds of years ago. They can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
build connections with the historical culture.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
printed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
materials
are less harmful to children's eyes, which are immature and vulnerable to the screens
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to read online.

In conclusion
, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
printed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
materials
have their pros and cons and can not
be replaced
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
. From my perspective, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are most benefited if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of both types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
materials
when they learn to read.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is wine upon the lips. – Virginia WoolfInspirational quotes for language learners
Virginia Woolf

IELTS essay Employees sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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