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1- People attend college or university for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge). Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.1

1- People attend college or university for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge). Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1
Since long ago, people have been arguing that protecting animals hurt them, some people hold the idea that keeping animals in zoos have some advantages; however, some people stick to the point that keeping animals in captivity in zoos is erroneous. I personally agree with the latter group. To begin with, when animals are kept in captivity in zoos we destroy their natural life and alter the natural behaviours of them; on the other word, animals that are protected in zoos can't behave naturally. For example, liens can hardly walk for 50 meters when are kept in cages. In contrast, when they live in jangle they walk for a hundred km, so predatory animals become more aggressive as well when restricted. Furthermore, the temperature is extremely an important factor in habitats and zoos can not provide temperature same as the natural environment of the animals. For instance, penguins must live in a cold environment. Thus, hot place contributes to death of them On another point of view, the reason why some people defend keeping animals in zoos lie in the fact that animals are under threat from human activities. To be more precise, every year people cut down trees to make more buildings or to extend roads which means they destroy the habitats of several animal species. In addition, over hunting for the purpose of animals valuable parts such as their fur or ivory culminates inn extinction of some species as well. consequently, zoos can be better places for animals because zoos provide a safe place for animals in order to protect endangered animals from extinction. For example, zoos protect animals from hunt and by vaccinating animal veterinarians protect them from death and do not get sick, so with medical facilities and care option for each animal in zoo animals can live longer. In conclusion, animals should protect from danger and extinction in their natural habitats, but they should not keep in captivity in zoos; although, we can deny zoos play significant role to protect animals.
Since long ago,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have been arguing that protecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
hurt them,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
hold the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that keeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
in zoos have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages;
however
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
stick to the point that keeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
in captivity in zoos is erroneous. I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the latter group.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
in captivity in zoos we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
life and alter the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
of them; on the other word,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
that
are protected
in zoos can't behave
naturally
.
For example
, liens can hardly walk for 50 meters when are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
in cages.
In contrast
, when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in jangle they walk for a hundred km,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
predatory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
become more aggressive
as well
when restricted.
Furthermore
, the temperature is
extremely
an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor in habitats and zoos can not provide temperature same as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
environment of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
.
For instance
, penguins
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
environment.
Thus
, hot place contributes to death of them

On another point of view, the reason why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
defend keeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
in zoos lie in the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are under threat from human activities. To be more precise, every year
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
down trees to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more buildings or to extend roads which means they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
the habitats of several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
species.
In addition
, over hunting for the purpose of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
valuable parts such as their fur or ivory culminates inn extinction of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
species
as well
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
consequently
, zoos can be better places for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
zoos provide a safe place for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
in order to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
protect
endangered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
from extinction.
For example
, zoos
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
protect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
from hunt and by vaccinating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
veterinarians
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
protect
them from death and do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
sick,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
with medical facilities and care option for each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
in zoo
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
longer.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
protect
from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
and extinction in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
habitats,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in captivity in zoos; although, we can deny zoos play significant role to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
protect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay 1- People attend college or university for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge). Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
336 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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