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With the increased global demand in oil and gas, undiscovered areas of the world should be oppened up to access more resources. To what extent do you agree? v.1

With the increased global demand in oil and gas, undiscovered areas of the world should be oppened up to access more resources. v. 1
Especially during the last century, the quick growth in the use of oil and gas as energy resources, has leaded to a worldwide increase in these both. As a consequence, unexplored parts of the earth want to be researched in order to try to find out more energy resources. However, in my opinion, I disagree with the idea of open up more zones just to find more sources of energy, as I believe it would mean a complete damage to the environment. Firstly, one of the main problems with doing this type of research is the huge damage that is produced to land around. Most of the energy resources we know and we use in our daily lives, such as fuel, oil or gas, are dug out from the deepest parts of the earth's layers, so in addition, huge drills are made in the surface of the unexplored zones in order to extract them. Due to these aggressive procedures, the land surrounding the area is devastated and many of the plants, animals and any kind of living life that used to be there, disappears. On the other hand, not only the zone explored is destroyed, but also the global environment is damaged. If more areas that have been never explored were started to be devastated, more oil and gas would be taken out of them, and as a result, these would be used by even more people, which would mean more pollution. On the opposite, I believe that instead of trying to find more oil and gas, another kind of power source, such as solar energy, should be used so this environmental impact would be reduced. In conclusion, I think that the opening of more land to find and dig out more oil and gas shouldn't be allowed and renewable energies should be the next oil and gas of the world.
Especially
during the last century, the quick growth in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oil
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gas
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
resources, has leaded to a worldwide increase in these both. As a consequence, unexplored parts of the earth want to
be researched
in order to try to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
out more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
resources.
However
, in my opinion, I disagree with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of open up more zones
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
more sources of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
, as I believe it would mean
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "complete damage".
a complete damage
to the environment.

Firstly
, one of the main problems with doing this type of research is the huge damage that
is produced
to land around. Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
resources we
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
know and
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
in our daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, such as fuel,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oil
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gas
,
are dug
out from the deepest parts of the earth's layers,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
in addition
, huge drills
are made
in the surface of the unexplored zones in order to extract them. Due to these aggressive procedures, the land surrounding the area
is devastated
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the plants, animals and any kind of living life that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be there, disappears.

On the other hand
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the zone explored is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the global environment
is damaged
. If more areas that
The adverb 'never' is usually put between 'have' and 'been'.
have been never
explored were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to
be devastated
, more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oil
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gas
would
be taken
out of them, and
as a result
, these would be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by even more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, which would mean more pollution. On the opposite, I believe that
instead
of trying to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oil
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gas
, another kind of power source, such as solar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
, should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
this environmental impact would be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the opening of more land to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
and dig out more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oil
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gas
shouldn't be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
and renewable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energies
should be the
next
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oil
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gas
of the world.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay With the increased global demand in oil and gas, undiscovered areas of the world should be oppened up to access more resources. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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