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With the increased global demand in oil and gas, undiscovered areas of the world should be opened up to access more resources. To what extent do you agree? v.1

With the increased global demand in oil and gas, undiscovered areas of the world should be opened up to access more resources. v. 1
The usage of certain fuels, oil and gas, is sky rocketing and some individuals believe that the untouched geographical areas should be explored to meet the demand of these fuels. I disagree that these hidden areas should be opened up to gain more resources to meet the increased usage. Because of these explorations, we might exploit the natural environment of these spots and also hinder our research needs for reusable energy. If we open up these undiscovered locations to find more fuel, we might destroy the natural environment of these places and this will lead to more environmental issues. With the search for oil and gas, we will have to start the desertification process, and this could lead to global warming. Recently, it was found that the weather of Sri Lanka has changed drastically compared to 10 years ago due to decreased number of trees. This process was attributed towards the new government initiative that was started to explore oil sources under the soil. This is one way that we will destruct our natural environment to meet the needs of humans. Currently, most of the researchers are interested in finding a recyclable energy for our consumption and this could be the best finding in the 21st century. If we explore more isolated areas in search for oil and if we were successful in finding such resources, scientists would not want to continue with their research. This would halt our progression in identifying a reusable energy that does not leave a stain in our environment. For example, my research supervisor was interested in finding a method to convert the heat of our vehicles into another form of energy that can be harnessed. With the new oil reserves being opened in Alberta, his funding was cut down and he is unable to continue with his activities. Therefore, it is important that we do not find these remote areas, so our new scientific research can flourish. In conclusion, we should not search for more remote areas with the intention of finding oil and gas as this could have negative repercussions. Environmental issues such as global warming and temporarily holding our research progression are some of these negative effects.
The usage of certain fuels,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oil
and gas, is
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
sky rocketing
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals believe that the untouched geographical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
should
be explored
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the demand of these fuels. I disagree that these hidden
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
should
be opened
up to gain more resources to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the increased usage.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of these explorations, we might exploit the natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
of these spots and
also
hinder our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
needs for reusable energy.

If we open up these undiscovered locations to find more fuel, we might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
the natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
of these places and this will lead to more environmental issues. With the search for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oil
and gas, we will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
the desertification process, and this could lead to global warming. Recently, it
was found
that the weather of Sri Lanka has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
drastically
compared to 10 years ago due to decreased number of trees. This process
was attributed
towards the new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
initiative that was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to explore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oil
sources under the soil. This is one way that we will destruct our natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the needs of humans.

Currently
, most of the researchers
are interested
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
finding
a recyclable energy for our consumption and this could be the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
finding
in the 21st century. If we explore more isolated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
in search for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oil
and if we were successful in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
finding
such resources, scientists would not want to continue with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
. This would halt our progression in identifying a reusable energy that does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
a stain in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
.
For example
, my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
supervisor
was interested
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
finding
a method to convert the heat of our vehicles into another form of energy that can
be harnessed
. With the new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oil
reserves
being opened
in Alberta, his funding was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
down and
he is unable to continue with his activities.
Therefore
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
that we do not find these remote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
our new scientific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
can flourish.

In conclusion
, we should not search for more remote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
with the intention of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
finding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oil
and gas as this could have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
repercussions. Environmental issues such as global warming and
temporarily
holding our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
progression are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay With the increased global demand in oil and gas, undiscovered areas of the world should be opened up to access more resources. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
365 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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