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Some people say that music is good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together to what extent do u agree or disagree with this opinion? v.1

Some people say that music is good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together v. 1
Certain people think that music paved path for meeting different people with various traditions, irrespective of the age because singing is the most common leisure activity that most of the individuals have. I completely agree with the point that people with common interests can have a great time together when compared to opposite minded people. This essay will discuss how melody helps people socialize, followed by a reasoned conclusion. Firstly, people are more enthusiastic to spend most of their day with like-minded people, who has the same interests or hobby. In addition, such people can exchange their views and ideas with each other and can have a good hour discussing about their favourite stars and Zoner. For example, there are sunburn festivals, especially for music lovers with pop-singers and musicians who perform in different parts of the world and people who are fascinated about singers travels to a different country, if their favourite band is playing and moreover, it is meant for all the age groups. As a result, such people also have few social groups in social media like Facebook, where people from different areas and language can join and share their views. Secondly, some people form a group with music as a passion and soon become local bands with effort and hard work, while people with same hobby can have social gathering when the band is playing. So, everyone can have a good hour together after a long hectic day. For instance, Nowadays, many cafe's and pubs are encouraging live music by local bands because of the overwhelming response by the customers towards the bands. Also, few people are crazy to attend when their favourite star is performing. In conclusion, people say music does not have language and is widely understood by everyone irrespective of gender, age and culture. So, this can socialize people with the same interest at different platforms. In my opinion, people with the same hobby like singing, dance can share good views and thoughts whenever they wanted to do so.
Certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
paved path for meeting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with various traditions, irrespective of the age
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
singing is the most common leisure activity that most of the individuals have. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the point that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with common interests can have a great time together when compared to opposite minded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This essay will discuss how melody
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
socialize, followed by a reasoned conclusion.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more enthusiastic to spend most of their day with like-minded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, who has the same interests or hobby.
In addition
, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can exchange their views and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
with each other and can have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
hour
Did you mean simply "discussing their"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discussing about their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
stars and Zoner.
For example
, there are sunburn festivals,
especially
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
lovers with pop-singers and musicians who perform in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
parts of the world and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
are fascinated
about singers travels to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
country, if their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
band
is playing and
moreover
, it
is meant
for all the age groups.
As a result
, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
also
have few social groups in social media like Facebook, where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
areas and language can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
and share their views.

Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
form a group with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
as a passion and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
become local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bands
with effort and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with same hobby can have social gathering when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
band
is playing.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, everyone can have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
hour together after a long hectic day.
For instance
, Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
'cafe' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "café"
cafe
's and pubs are encouraging
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
by local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bands
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the overwhelming response by the customers towards the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bands
.
Also
, few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are crazy to attend when their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
star is performing.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
say
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
does not have language and is
widely
understood by everyone irrespective of gender, age and culture.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, this can socialize
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with the same interest at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
platforms. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with the same hobby
Comparison is written 'the same ... "as"'.
like
singing, dance can share
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
views and thoughts whenever they wanted to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that music is good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
336 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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