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Pollution and other environmental damages are caused by a country developing and becoming richer. This problem cannot be avoided. To what extent do you agree? v.1

Pollution and other environmental damages are caused by a country developing and becoming richer. This problem cannot be avoided. v. 1
Some people argue that to become prosperous, growing nations are responsible for contaminating the atmosphere and consider it is an unavoidable factor. This essay disagrees that a country cannot grow without creating pollution and affecting its surroundings. Firstly, this essay will discuss about the possibilities of development with the use of eco-friendly system and followed by tree plantation is spite of industrialization at large extent. To begin with, the development can also be possible with the adoption of eco-friendly techniques. There is no doubt that in the race of becoming privileged, most of the nations are adopting cheapest sources like fossil fuels for their convenience. Conversely, they can use renewable sources of energy such as solar systems, wind power plants, et cetera for the generation of energy. Even though the maintenance and implementation of such resources are expensive, but are pollution free. For instance, economically rich nations such as the USA, the UK, Canada, Australia and Dubai adopt advanced methods of technology by prioritizing their environment than latest inventions. On the other hand, despite of industrialization, large number of tree plantation can also help in eliminating the problems related to air pollution. In other words, high demand of technology sometimes leads to ecological disturbances due to emission of toxic chemicals likes nitrous oxide, methane gas, et cetera from the chimneys of industries. To eliminate such harmful effects of technology, heavy mass of trees should be planted to improve the air quality. The survey, conducted by The Times India stated that in the international index of air quality, most of the rich countries are in the top list among those countries which are implementing environmental friendly methods in the research of advanced developments. In conclusion, most people thought that growing nation cannot become wealthy without harming their surroundings. However, to prevent from the dangerous effects of non-renewable resources, people can move towards an environmentally friendly system like solar power plants, to generate power. Additionally, growing a large number of trees is the best way to avoid destruction of environment in modern industrialization era.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that to become prosperous, growing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
are responsible for contaminating the atmosphere and consider it is an unavoidable factor. This essay disagrees that a country cannot grow without creating pollution and affecting its surroundings.
Firstly
, this essay will
Did you mean simply "discuss the"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about the
possibilities of development with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of eco-friendly system and followed by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tree
plantation is spite of industrialization at large extent.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the development can
also
be possible with the adoption of eco-friendly techniques. There is no doubt that in the race of becoming privileged, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
are adopting
A determiner is probably missing here: "the cheapest".
cheapest
sources like fossil fuels for their convenience.
Conversely
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
renewable sources of energy such as solar systems, wind power plants,
Possible spelling mistake found.
et cetera
for the generation of energy.
Even though
the maintenance and implementation of such resources are expensive,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
are pollution free.
For instance
,
economically
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
such as the USA, the UK, Canada, Australia and Dubai adopt advanced methods of technology by prioritizing their environment than
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
inventions.

On the other hand
,
Did you mean "despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
despite of
industrialization, large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tree
plantation can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in eliminating the problems related to air pollution.
In other words
, high demand of technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
leads to ecological disturbances due to emission of toxic chemicals likes nitrous oxide, methane gas,
Possible spelling mistake found.
et cetera
from the chimneys of industries. To eliminate such harmful effects of technology, heavy mass of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trees
should
be planted
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the air quality. The survey, conducted by The Times India stated that in the international index of air quality, most of the rich countries are in the top list among those countries which are implementing environmental friendly methods in the research of advanced developments.

In conclusion
, most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that growing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
cannot become wealthy without harming their surroundings.
However
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
from the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
effects of non-renewable resources,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
towards an
environmentally
friendly system like solar power plants, to generate power.
Additionally
, growing
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trees
is the best way to avoid destruction of environment in modern industrialization era.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Pollution and other environmental damages are caused by a country developing and becoming richer. This problem cannot be avoided. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
342 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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