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With the advent of the internet increasing number of people are shopping online what issues arise from this and how can they be tackled? v.1

With the advent of the internet increasing number of people are shopping online what issues arise from this and how can they be tackled? v. 1
Nowadays people are encountered offensive crime in their daily lives. It is the obligation of the state to make sure the security of residents live. Whilst, a group of people believe that the government should allocate budget for forces than the social facilities. This essay will amplify why the government should spend on battalion and explain the need of developing city life. Estimating a budget for the safety of all citizens is the premier responsibility of any country's parliament. First and foremost, if the state gives more importance towards safeguarding, people can live in peace and happiness. Moreover, if the state spends more money for making a strong armed force, it will encourage people to feel free and live an autonomous life. For example, the United States, which is perceived to be the most powerful country, has the world's largest military budget, they funded for the military over $610 billion on hardware and personnel in 2017. These few instances can bolster the existing concept that a dominant force is entirely necessary to secure individual's lives, however rudimentary facilities are undeniable. Eradication of social issues is the fundamental needs of people's life. First of all, if the regime does not focus on the individual's primary necessity, residents would have to face various kinds of daunting. Thus, it will make them unable to communicate and move forward, because of the disabilities like: poor transportations, less power supply, water supply, roads and so on. For instance, if there is a lack of amenities in the city, it will put the community into a huge catastrophe. In addition, those problems will make people exasperated and move toward debt and poverty. In conclusion, this essay discussed why public safety is the first liability for the administration of any country, although, the needs of the development of conveniences are cannot be ignored. To infer, I'm convinced that the scarcity of both the requirements can't be affordable for countries people to reside.
Nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are encountered
offensive crime in their daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
. It is the obligation of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure the security of residents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
. Whilst, a group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should allocate budget for forces than the social facilities. This essay will amplify why the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should spend on battalion and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the need of developing city life.

Estimating a budget for the safety of all citizens is the premier responsibility of any country's parliament.
First
and foremost, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
gives more importance towards safeguarding,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in peace and happiness.
Moreover
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
spends more money for making a strong armed force, it will encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to feel free and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
an autonomous life.
For example
, the United
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
States
, which
is perceived
to be the most powerful country, has the world's largest military budget, they funded for the military over $610 billion on hardware and personnel in 2017. These few instances can bolster the existing concept that a dominant force is
entirely
necessary to secure individual's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
,
however
rudimentary facilities are undeniable.

Eradication of social issues is the fundamental needs of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's life.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, if the regime does not focus on the individual's primary necessity, residents would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face various kinds of daunting.
Thus
, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them unable to communicate and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
forward,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the disabilities like: poor transportations, less power supply, water supply, roads and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
For instance
, if there is a lack of amenities in the city, it will put the community into a huge catastrophe.
In addition
, those problems will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
exasperated and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
toward debt and poverty.

In conclusion
, this essay discussed why public safety is the
first
liability for the administration of any country, although, the needs of the development of conveniences are cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
. To infer, I'm convinced that the scarcity of both the requirements can't be affordable for countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to reside.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay With the advent of the internet increasing number of people are shopping online what issues arise from this and how can they be tackled? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
325 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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