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At the present time, the population of some countries include a relatively large number of young adults, comparatively with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweighs the disadvantages v.1

At the present time, the population of some countries include a relatively large number of young adults, comparatively with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweighs the disadvantages v. 1
Selecting a place to live in and whether to rent it or own it is a big decision about any individual. People have decided according to their requirement in future. Half of the people wish to live in the rented house apart from buying it. This essay will highlight the pros and the cons of renting apartments. Is this a serious concern to live in the renting house? Everything depends on demand and necessary requirement. Almost 80% people of any country work at different locations, which is far away from their hometown, but they have to do their job as that place is perfect for companies or offices rather than staying there. Moreover, people have tried to save money for the future as nowadays property rates are at the peak and most of the people don't want to invest in them. For example, in India, people are career oriented and more focus on high salaries with balanced work culture. Almost every nation's population needed this atmosphere, but companies are located in various cities so people don't want to buy homes due to migration for their betterment. On the other hand, people who are from a wealthy background want to buy homes for the investment and earn a lump sump amount. They have only focused on areas where maximum number of commercial buildings available so they will easily rent out the homes and improve their profitability. In conclusion, both options are open in the market. It is an individual duty to perform for their benefits. According to me, buying a home where you want to live your life after retirement.
Selecting a place to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in and whether to rent it or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
decision about any individual.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have decided according to their requirement
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
. Half of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
wish to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in the rented
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
apart from buying it. This essay will highlight the pros and the cons of renting apartments. Is this a serious concern to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in the renting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
?

Everything depends on demand and necessary requirement. Almost 80%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of any country work at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
locations, which is far away from their hometown,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do their job as that place is perfect for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
or offices
rather
than staying there.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have tried to save money for the future as nowadays property rates are at the peak and most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
don't
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to invest in them.
For example
, in India,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are career oriented and more focus on high salaries with balanced work culture. Almost every nation's population needed this atmosphere,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are located
in various cities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
don't
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
due to migration for their betterment.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are from a wealthy background
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
for the investment and earn a lump sump amount. They have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
focused on areas where maximum number of commercial buildings available
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they will
easily
rent out the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their profitability.

In conclusion
, both options are open in the market. It is an individual duty to perform for their benefits.
This phrase can sound awkward in English. Consider using "in my opinion" or "I think".
According to me
, buying a home where you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
your life after retirement.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay At the present time, the population of some countries include a relatively large number of young adults, comparatively with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweighs the disadvantages v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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