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With the advent of the internet, increasing numbers of people are shopping online. What issues arise from this and how can they be tackled? v.1

With the advent of the internet, increasing numbers of people are shopping online. What issues arise from this and how can they be tackled? v. 1
It is observed that the advancement of technology has made more people to buy the products through electronically connected networks. The main problem this causes is less physical activity and the most viable solution is to educate the populace about the issue. The main problem associated with the usage of internet for shopping online tends to lead a sedentary lifestyle. In other words, people will not go to shop to check and buy the products instead they will be staying at home and get all the items as door delivered. The result of this often leads to physical and mental health problems, which in turn cause them to be depressed sitting at home and become obese. For example, a recent government survey found that 80% of the people have health issues like obesity, diabetes and so on because of less physical activity and getting everything through online. A long term solution to this predicament is to educate the populace about the dangers of usage of the technology. That is to say that it aids them to know more about the value of the other people and their health benefits. In addition, it will allow them to check and buy better quality products if they do their shopping by visiting the shop in person. For instance, in India, people go to the shop regularly to buy fresh vegetables for their cooking that made them to lead a healthy lifestyle. Thus, proper education may prevent the people from getting addicted to the new inventions. In conclusion, more people prefer online shopping because of the improvement in the communication media is a major issue that can result in people to perform minimal physical work, however, it can be addressed through educating the people about the problems it might occur in the future.
It
is observed
that the advancement of technology has made more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
the products through
electronically
connected networks. The main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
this causes is less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activity and the most viable solution is to educate the populace about the issue.

The main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
associated with the usage of internet for shopping online tends to lead a sedentary lifestyle.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will not go to shop to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
the products
instead
they will be staying at home and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
all the items as door delivered. The result of this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
leads to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
and mental health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
, which in turn cause them to
be depressed
sitting at home and become obese.
For example
, a recent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
survey found that 80% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have health issues like obesity, diabetes and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activity and getting everything through online.

A long term solution to this predicament is to educate the populace about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
of usage of the technology.
That is
to say that it aids them to know more about the value of the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and their health benefits.
In addition
, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
better quality products if they do their shopping by visiting the shop in person.
For instance
, in India,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
go to the shop
regularly
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
fresh vegetables for their cooking that made them to lead a healthy lifestyle.
Thus
, proper education may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from getting addicted to the new inventions.

In conclusion
, more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer online shopping
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the improvement in the communication media is a major issue that can result in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to perform minimal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
work,
however
, it can
be addressed
through educating the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
it might occur in the future.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay With the advent of the internet, increasing numbers of people are shopping online. What issues arise from this and how can they be tackled? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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