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Many People suffer from isomnia. What do you think, is it caused by increasing pace of life or the individuals life style is at fault? v.1

Many People suffer from isomnia. What do you think, is it caused by increasing pace of life or the individuals life style is at fault? v. 1
In recent years, the amount of the universities which are using a computer-based teaching programs have increased significantly. Many people supporting that, online based teaching systems have more beneficial effects than faculty education. Meanwhile, others think that there are heavy drawbacks which are hard to tackle. In my opinion, learning is an individual subject due to concentration is better while doing by myself. This essay will discuss both pros and cons. On the one hand, there are some functional advantages about learning from internet courses. The most common beneficial effects of network based learning are generally related to better conditions and much quieter atmosphere in the apartment. For instance, last researches which are done by academical tutors and professionals shown that, the amount of learning accuracy in the house is much higher than the school as a result of specific resources and arguments which are available on unbiased network sites. Clearly, it might be extremely useful to learn on the internet. Furthermore, these systems teach much quicker than normal classes. However, student which is using these courses has to take precautions to provide a suitable learning atmosphere such as passion and determination. On the other side of the argument, there are also drawbacks available due to passion and being disciplined. Although learning is becoming quicker in the house, a student has to be focused and disciplined while he or she is studying. To illustrate this, in many schools, teachers is the key feature in learning as a result of their great role in the classroom. Moreover, they keep students focused on their lessons and they provide the most accurate and useful knowledge. For the reason that, students have become more responsible due to their teacher. Consequently, learning in the classroom is also for students due to teachers and atmosphere In conclusion, I would argue that the advantages of using the internet do outweigh the disadvantages. Authorities which are ruling the school ought to produce a balanced routine for their students. As a result of that, students may stay focused on school and learn quicker in the house.
In recent years, the amount of the universities which are using a computer-based teaching programs have increased
significantly
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
supporting that, online based teaching systems have more beneficial effects than faculty education. Meanwhile, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that there are heavy drawbacks which are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to tackle. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
is an individual subject
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to concentration is better while doing by myself. This essay will discuss both pros and cons.

On the one hand, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
functional advantages about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
from internet courses. The most common beneficial effects of network based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
are
generally
related to better conditions and much quieter atmosphere in the apartment.
For instance
, last researches which
are done
by academical tutors and professionals shown that, the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
accuracy in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
is much higher than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
as a result
of specific resources and arguments which are available on unbiased network sites.
Clearly
, it might be
extremely
useful to learn on the internet.
Furthermore
, these systems teach much quicker than normal classes.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
which is using these courses
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
take precautions to provide a suitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
atmosphere such as passion and determination.

On the other side of the argument, there are
also
drawbacks available
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to passion and
being disciplined
. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
is becoming quicker in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be focused
and disciplined while he or she is studying. To illustrate this, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
, teachers is the key feature in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
as a result
of their great role in the classroom.
Moreover
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
focused on their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
lessons and
they provide the most accurate and useful knowledge. For the reason that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have become more responsible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to their teacher.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
in the classroom is
also
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to teachers and atmosphere

In conclusion
, I would argue that the advantages of using the internet do outweigh the disadvantages. Authorities which are ruling the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
ought to produce a balanced routine for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
As a result
of that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
may stay focused on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and learn quicker in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Many People suffer from isomnia. What do you think, is it caused by increasing pace of life or the individuals life style is at fault? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
347 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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