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With the advent of social media, more people are getting their news online instead of from print media. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for people who read news online. v.1

With the advent of social media, more people are getting their news online instead of from print media. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for people who read news online. v. 1
Museums play a vital role in spreading the knowledge. While some of these are free of costs, remaining charge entry fees. This essay will discuss why collecting admission money in exhibitions is always advantageous even though it has demerits. Not many people will have the luxury of buying tickets to get access into the museums. In scenarios such as this, some individual's, not just miss-out on exploring the galleries and increase their knowledge, but also make them feel that they have been deprived of such facilities for being poor. This will certainly create some gap within different sections of the society. To illustrate, a latest report published in a newspaper in India stated that more than 60 percentage of art and gallery enthusiasts are not able to pay the ticket price and thus not able view museums in different parts of the country. So, entry fee is not attracting new audience into the museums. However, for better maintenance and marketing, collecting the small amount of entry charge is always a healthy practice. By doing so, materials in a museum can be protected in a systematic manner. In addition, the amount collected could be used to advertise the museum and reach-out to the new audience. To exemplify, a museum in our village purchased a highly advanced vacuum cleaner for removing the minute dust particles on the instruments, using the money collected from charging the users. Because of such practice, exhibitions can be run smoothly. Number of people visiting the galleries have increased inadvertently over the years. To conclude, even though some exhibitions offer free service, most of them charge visitors. In my opinion, collecting the admission fees is necessary, because it is vital that its financial condition is stable, so that it can help attract larger visitors and perform sophisticated maintenance.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museums
play a vital role in spreading the knowledge. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of these are free of costs, remaining charge entry fees. This essay will discuss why collecting admission money in exhibitions is always advantageous
even though
it has demerits.

Not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will have the luxury of buying tickets to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
access into the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
. In scenarios such as this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Incorrect plural form; it does not need any apostrophe. Did you mean "individuals"?
individual's
, not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
miss-out on exploring the galleries and increase their knowledge,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them feel that they have
been deprived
of such facilities for being poor. This will
certainly
create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
gap within
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
sections of the society. To illustrate,
Use "the" with the superlative.
a
latest report published in a newspaper in India stated that more than 60 percentage of art and gallery enthusiasts are not able to pay the ticket price and
thus
not able view
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
parts of the country.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, entry fee is not attracting new audience into the museums.

However
, for better maintenance and marketing, collecting the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
amount of entry charge is always a healthy practice. By doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, materials in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
can
be protected
Consider replacing "in a systematic manner" with the adverb for "systematic"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a systematic manner
.
In addition
, the amount collected could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to advertise the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
and reach-out to the new audience. To exemplify, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
in our village
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
a
highly
advanced vacuum cleaner for removing the minute dust particles on the instruments, using the money collected from charging the users.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of such practice, exhibitions can
be run
smoothly
.

Number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
visiting the galleries have increased
inadvertently
over the years.
To conclude
,
even though
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
exhibitions offer free service, most of them charge visitors. In my opinion, collecting the admission fees is necessary,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is vital that its financial condition is stable,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
attract larger visitors and perform sophisticated maintenance.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay With the advent of social media, more people are getting their news online instead of from print media. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for people who read news online. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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