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In some cities and towns all over the world, the high volume of traffic is a problem. What are the causes of this and what actions can be taken to solve this problem? v.2

In some cities and towns all over the world, the high volume of traffic is a problem. What are the causes of this and what actions can be taken to solve this problem? v. 2
Smoking is considered to be an insidious killer. It has detrimental effects on both smokers and non-smokers. As such, certain individuals believe that smoking should be banned in public settings. I believe that smoking has harmful effects, so it should be prohibited. There are numerous reasons that bolster the notion that smoking should be banned in public places. Firstly, it triggers an uncomfortable situation such as a loathsome smelling to individuals who set nearby smokers. Public areas are seen as a perfect place to people gather and entertain their leisure time and breathe pure air. Another reason, it causes chronic diseases such as cancer. Nonsmokers are more likely to be infected by cancer when they sit beside smokers. It has negative effects on human health. Third reason, in public areas, smokers frequently throws their lit cigarettes in different areas and do not concentrate what will occur. Lighted cigarettes usually pose fires. In the aftermath of fires, public places will be destroyed by fires. As a result, they prevent people to assemble in these settings. Smoking should be prohibited because it has adverse impacts on non-smokers. However, Opponents of such a ban argue against it for several reasons. Firstly, each individual has a freedom to seat or carry out favourite activities in public areas. Therefore, smokers have a right to smoke tobacco in such settings. Nonsmokers do not require to sit around smokers. Consequently, they do not disturb non-smokers. The second reason, exposing to smoke for a short period of time has no side effects on non-smokers. As such, non-smokers have the ability to conduct various activities with smokers in public places. In conclusion, smoking has disgusted smelling and cause harmful consequences to healthy individuals, so it should be banned.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Smoking
is considered
to be an insidious killer. It has detrimental effects on both smokers and non-smokers. As such, certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
should
be banned
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
settings. I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
has harmful effects,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it should
be prohibited
.

There are numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
that bolster the notion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
should
be banned
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
places.
Firstly
, it triggers an uncomfortable situation such as a loathsome smelling to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
who set nearby smokers.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as a perfect place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
gather and entertain their leisure time and breathe pure air. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
, it causes chronic diseases such as cancer. Nonsmokers are more likely to
be infected
by cancer when they sit beside smokers. It has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on human health. Third
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
, smokers
frequently
throws their lit cigarettes in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
and do not concentrate what will occur. Lighted cigarettes
usually
pose fires. In the aftermath of fires,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
places will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
by fires.
As a result
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to assemble in these settings.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Smoking
should
be prohibited
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it has adverse impacts on non-smokers.

However
, Opponents of such a ban argue against it for several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
.
Firstly
, each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
has
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "freedom".
a freedom
to seat or carry out
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
activities in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
.
Therefore
, smokers have a right to smoke tobacco in such settings. Nonsmokers do not require
Did you mean "sitting"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'require' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to sit
around smokers.
Consequently
, they do not disturb non-smokers. The second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
, exposing to smoke for a short period of time has no side effects on non-smokers. As such, non-smokers have the ability to conduct various activities with smokers in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
places.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
has disgusted smelling and cause harmful
The usual preposition to use after "consequences" is not "to". Did you mean "consequences of", "consequences for", or "consequences on"?
consequences to
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it should
be banned
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay In some cities and towns all over the world, the high volume of traffic is a problem. What are the causes of this and what actions can be taken to solve this problem? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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