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Shopping is become more and more popular as leisure activity. However, some people feel that this has both positive and negative effects? Why is shopping so popular? What effects does its popularity have on individuals and on society? v.1

Shopping is become more and more popular as leisure activity. However, some people feel that this has both positive and negative effects? Why is shopping so popular? What effects does its popularity have on individuals and on society? v. 1
In this contemporary world, there are varieties of options to select from to purchase any products. Some people are fond of buying items in a shopping centre, while others choose to visit a local vendor for a same purpose. This essay will highlight the benefits of both places and explain why malls are a better option than the next one. To begin with, any material bought from the local shops is way more cheaper than other places. As such outlets sell local products mainly or sometimes second hand ones so they tend to cost less than an international branded products. For instance, 34% of the people in Kathmandu prefer purchasing thing in China Market, a popular local market, provided that they are economical. Therefore, such places attract a lot of buyers due to its convenient fare. However, the quality of the material is extremely of high level in the shopping centres. Such outlets have a reputation of its own, and only allocate product from a branded company or from a top level factories so helps in providing a qualitative item in their store. To illustrate, Bhat Bhateni, a renowned shopping mall of Nepal, only sells things of high standard and refunds money back to the customer for any inconveniences found in those items. Thus, such markets are of utmost significance for obtaining high calibre materials. In conclusion, I prefer buying from the shopping centre as materials are of great quality regardless of the cost as well as such places provide a small cafeteria which is extremely reliable after a hectic shopping day.
In this contemporary world, there are varieties of options to select from to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are fond of buying items in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
, while others choose to visit a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
vendor for a same purpose. This essay will highlight the benefits of both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why malls are a better option than the
next
one.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, any material
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
shops is way
Use only "cheaper" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more cheaper
than other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
. As such outlets sell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
mainly
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
second hand ones
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they tend to cost less than an international branded
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "product"?
products
.
For instance
, 34% of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in Kathmandu prefer purchasing thing in China Market, a popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
market, provided that they are economical.
Therefore
, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
attract
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
buyers due to its convenient fare.

However
, the quality of the material is
extremely
of high level in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
. Such outlets have a reputation of its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
allocate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
from a branded
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
or from a
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
top level
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "factory"?
factories
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in providing a qualitative item in their store. To illustrate,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Bhat
Possible spelling mistake found.
Bhateni
, a renowned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
mall of Nepal,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
sells things of high standard and refunds money back to the customer for any inconveniences found in those items.
Thus
, such markets are of utmost significance for obtaining high
Possible spelling mistake. 'calibre' is British English.
calibre
materials.

In conclusion
, I prefer buying from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
as materials are of great quality regardless of the cost
as well
as such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
provide a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
cafeteria which is
extremely
reliable after a hectic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
day.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Shopping is become more and more popular as leisure activity. However, some people feel that this has both positive and negative effects? Why is shopping so popular? What effects does its popularity have on individuals and on society? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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