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With the advancement of technology many traditional skills are no longer required. It is natural that traditional way of living is pointless in this modern era as technology is replacing the old way of life. Hence it is pointless to keep those traditional skills alive. v.1

With the advancement of technology many traditional skills are no longer required. It is natural that traditional way of living is pointless in this modern era as technology is replacing the old way of life. Hence it is pointless to keep those traditional skills alive. v. 1
It is true that if a country improves technologically, some traditional works and ways of life such as handwriting, mathematical calculation, post office etc. will diminish day by day. It is considered that these activities and abilities will not be necessary when the technology of a country is developed. While I accept that some certain skills and works are not essential, but I also believe that others are very important. On the one hand, there are some good reasons why the traditional skills and ways of life are no longer required to keep them alive. Firstly, not only can technology work speedily but also it has many conveniences. As an example, in the past, although post office was very popular, it took a long time to deliver a letter. However, the e-mail has changed this boring system. Secondly, now people don’t need to read the book in a conventional way like paper based since they can study various types of books through online. Thus, the traditional skills are no longer required in this modern era. On the other hand, the traditional expertness and the related things are very important in many ways. One is handwriting, which is very indispensable for some nations. Some people think that it is the symbol of a good character of a person. Another is mathematics calculation, if people depend on the computer for simple mathematics calculation, this will reduce the intelligent of the people. For instance, a research has been published by Melbourne University that most people are becoming lazy due to the fact that the technology has developed. Therefore, it is clear from this example that traditional skills are essential. In conclusion, after analysing the argument it seems that both points are significant. We cannot think that traditional experience and ways of life are pointless. In my opinion, we should keep alive some traditional skills and at the same time embrace the latest technology to improve our way of living.
It is true that if a country
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
technologically
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
works and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
of life such as handwriting, mathematical calculation, post office etc. will diminish day by day. It
is considered
that these activities and abilities will not be necessary when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
of a country
is developed
. While I accept that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and works are not essential,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
also
believe that others are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.

On the one hand, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
reasons why the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
of life are no longer required to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them alive.
Firstly
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
work
speedily
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
conveniences. As an example, in the past, although post office was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
popular, it took a long time to deliver a letter.
However
, the e-mail has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
this boring system.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
don’t need to read the book in a conventional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
like paper based since they can study various types of books through online.
Thus
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
are no longer required in this modern era.

On the other hand
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
expertness and the related things are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
. One is handwriting, which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
indispensable for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
nations.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is the symbol of a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
character of a person. Another is mathematics calculation, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
depend on the computer for simple mathematics calculation, this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
The phrase 'the intelligent of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'the' and 'of'.
the intelligent of
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For instance
,
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
a research
has
been published
by Melbourne University that most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are becoming lazy due to the fact that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has developed.
Therefore
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
from this example that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
are essential.

In conclusion
, after
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysing' is British English.
analysing
the argument it seems that both points are significant. We cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
experience and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
of life are pointless. In my opinion, we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
alive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and at the same time embrace the latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
of living.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay With the advancement of technology many traditional skills are no longer required. It is natural that traditional way of living is pointless in this modern era as technology is replacing the old way of life. Hence it is pointless to keep those traditional skills alive. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
326 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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