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When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and way of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion. v.1

When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and way of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive. with this opinion. v. 1
When a country develops its machinery, the traditional skills and style of living die out. While many people argued that it is useless to try to keep them alive, I strongly disagree with this opinion. There are several reasons why traditional skills should be preserved. Firstly, traditional skills are the heritage from our ancestor and we have responsibility to take care of them. It would be aid us and the next generations to remain connected with our past, and we could learn numerous beneficial things from their culture. Secondly, conventional jobs can be an alternative way of life in the recent modern society. For example, the ones who got bored from the contemporary restaurant with repetitious cuisines, can go to an old cozy restaurant with historical decoration and traditional food to rest their minds and get rid of daily routines. Although modern skills and technology make the life and the way of living more easier in comparison with traditional skills, majority of the recent jobs are inspired from conventional skills. Yet many can be inspired from the old skills. For instance, these days, people specially children are more prone to various diseases owing to the reason of unhealthy diet pattern. However, this problem can be overcome easily by adopting the natural way of eating or following herbal product which were commonly used by our predecessors. Hence, traditional skills can be combined with the technology to make modern jobs inspiring from ancient culture and skills. In conclusion, despite of that the modern jobs make life easier, but combination of technology with traditional skills can be beneficial for the society along with preserving conventional skills.
When a country develops its machinery, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and style of living
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
out. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argued that it is useless to try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them alive, I
strongly
disagree with this opinion.

There are several reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
should
be preserved
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
are the heritage from our
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
ancestor and
we have responsibility to take care of them. It would be aid us and the
next
generations to remain connected with our past, and we could learn numerous beneficial things from their culture.
Secondly
, conventional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
can be an alternative way of life in the recent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
society.
For example
, the ones who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
bored from the contemporary restaurant with repetitious cuisines, can go to an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
cozy restaurant with historical decoration and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
food to rest their minds and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of daily routines.

Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the life and the way of living
Use only "easier" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more easier
in comparison
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
,
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
the recent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
are inspired
from conventional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
Yet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
can
be inspired
from the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
For instance
, these days,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
specially
children are more prone to various diseases owing to the reason of unhealthy diet pattern.
However
, this problem can
be overcome
easily
by adopting the natural way of eating or following herbal product which were
commonly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by our predecessors.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
can
be combined
with the technology to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
inspiring from ancient culture and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

In conclusion
,
Did you mean "despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
despite of
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
life easier,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
combination of technology with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
can be beneficial for the society along with preserving conventional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and way of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive. with this opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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