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When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to tru and keep them alive. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.1

When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to tru and keep them alive. with this opinion? v. 1
There is a natural tendency for people's culture to be threatened by technological advancement as a country develops. In my opinion, I strongly disagree that developments in technology should be allowed to replace people's culture. Firstly, culture is a strong tool on fostering peace and unity in a country. Culture is expressed through art, languages and traditional skills such as: pottery making, painting, local wrestling and dance. When these practices are shared among a group of people, it strengthens the bond and oneness that exist between them. Secondly, it is of utmost benefit that our ways of life and traditional skills are passed down to our children for the preservation of our history. For example, in my home town, there are yearly festivals that mark significant moments in our history during which there are many cultural works on display in the form of art, dance and food. These festivals continue to be celebrated generations after generations ensuring that such priceless moments are never forgotten. On the contrary, it might be posited by some, that culture repels the advancement of technology. They may argue that the old methods do not allow new ideas thrive and hence get in the way of progress. This is rather far fetched, as countries with the best technological advancements are known to have the richest cultural heritage such as China, France and Germany. In summary, I strongly beleive that efforts should be made to preserve peoples culture in the presence of technological advancements, due to its numerous benefits and despite the argument to the contrary.
There is a natural tendency for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
to
be threatened
by technological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advancement
as a country develops. In my opinion, I
strongly
disagree that developments in technology should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to replace
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's culture.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
is a strong tool on fostering peace and unity in a country.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Culture
is expressed
through art, languages and traditional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
such as: pottery making, painting, local wrestling and dance. When these practices
are shared
among a group of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, it strengthens the bond and oneness that exist between them.
Secondly
, it is of utmost benefit that our ways of life and traditional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
are passed
down to our children for the preservation of our history.
For example
, in my home town, there are yearly festivals that mark significant moments in our history during which there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cultural works on display in the form of art, dance and food. These festivals continue to
be celebrated
generations after generations ensuring that such priceless moments are never forgotten.

On the contrary
, it might
be posited
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
, that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
repels the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advancement
of technology. They may argue that the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
methods do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
thrive and
hence
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
in the way of progress. This is
rather
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
far fetched
, as countries with the best technological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advancements
are known
to have the richest cultural heritage such as China, France and Germany.

In summary, I
strongly
Possible spelling mistake found.
beleive
that efforts should
be made
to preserve peoples
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
in the presence of technological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advancements
, due to its numerous benefits and despite the argument to the contrary.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to tru and keep them alive. with this opinion? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
259 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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