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With deforestation, urban development and illegal hunting, many animal species are becoming endangered as they lose their habitat and some are even threatened to the point of extinction. Do you think it is important to protect animals? what measures can be taken to deal with this problem? v.3

With deforestation, urban development and illegal hunting, many animal species are becoming endangered as they lose their habitat and some are even threatened to the point of extinction. Do you think it is important to protect animals? what measures can be taken to deal with this problem? v. 3
Owing to the trend of deforestation, cities development, and poaching numerous species are on the bank of extinct as they have lost their habitat lands. I strongly believe that it is important to save the animals to control our ecosystem and to develop medical science. There are several counter actions such as implementing stringent regulations and educating people can be taken in order to solve this problem. To begin with, it is proven fact that animals play an instrumental role in the ecosystem, extinction of even one specie could put overall ecosystem into trouble, therefore. In 1994, for instance, a large number of South African deers were poached for their ivories, which made them endangered species. As a result, wild animals had started attacking the tribes who lived in the proximity of the forest as they could not find their prey. Besides this, medical science is growing exponentially because of the contribution of some animals. Since many vaccines and medicines are being made from animals, mankind will be suffered if such crucial animals become extinct. However, the government can take remedial actions to deal with this situation. Firstly, countries should impose stringent rules along with hefty penalty on those who are hunting or abducting animals for their personal needs. By doing so, I believe, a considerable amount of activities against animals will be mitigated. For example, thousands of Polar bears were being hunted in Antartica for coat industries until the authorities passed a rule of five years imprisonment for hunters. Furthermore, schools and universities should educate people about the impact on environment if some important animals are endangered. In conclusion, I am of the opinion that animals should be protected as they are the part of the food chain and contribute to medical researches and put forward several solutions to deal with this situation including implementation of rigorous rules and creating awareness among the populace.
Owing to the trend of deforestation, cities development, and poaching numerous species are on the bank of extinct as they have lost their habitat lands. I
strongly
believe that it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to save the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
to control our ecosystem and to develop medical science. There are several counter actions such as implementing stringent regulations and educating
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can
be taken
in order to solve this problem.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it
is proven
fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
play an instrumental role in the ecosystem, extinction of even one specie could put
overall
ecosystem into trouble,
therefore
. In 1994,
for instance
,
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
South African
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "deer", the plural form of the noun 'deer'?
deers
were poached
for their ivories, which made them endangered species.
As a result
, wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
attacking the tribes who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
in the proximity of the forest as they could not find their prey.
Besides
this, medical science is growing
exponentially
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the contribution of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
. Since
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
vaccines and medicines are
being made
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
, mankind will
be suffered
if such crucial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
become extinct.

However
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can take remedial actions to deal with this situation.
Firstly
, countries should impose stringent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
along with hefty penalty on those who are hunting or abducting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
for their personal needs. By doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, I believe, a considerable amount of activities against
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
will
be mitigated
.
For example
, thousands of Polar bears were
being hunted
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Antartica
for coat industries until the authorities passed a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
of five years imprisonment for hunters.
Furthermore
, schools and universities should educate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
about the impact on environment if
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are endangered
.

In conclusion
, I am of the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
should
be protected
as they are the part of the food chain and contribute to medical researches and put forward several solutions to deal with this situation including implementation of rigorous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and creating awareness among the populace.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay With deforestation, urban development and illegal hunting, many animal species are becoming endangered as they lose their habitat and some are even threatened to the point of extinction. Do you think it is important to protect animals? what measures can be taken to deal with this problem? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
315 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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