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With deforestation, urban development and illegal hunting, many animal species are becoming endangered and some are even facing extinction. Do you think it is important to protect animals? What can be done to protect animals? v.1

With deforestation, urban development and illegal hunting, many animal species are becoming endangered and some are even facing extinction. Do you think it is important to protect animals? What can be done to protect animals? v. 1
Today, some species of animals are facing a threat and few of them on the verge of extinction, owing to erosion, urbanization and non regular hunting of animals. In my opinion, it is predominant to shield these faunas and in order to implement it, cutting of trees, influx of population towards the cities and the activity of hunting should be stopped. Firstly, animals protection is quite necessary for the human beings in terms of food. In various countries, people like to eat the meat of cows and buffaloes, especially in Russian countries. For example, the Individuals, who live in the North Pole region of the country solely depend on this type of meat. Secondly, animals are considered to be the major source of income for several countries. For instance, Australia is renowned for its wildlife, there by people from various countries come here to see the different kind of animals, which in turn boost the economic condition of a country. Thus, it is vital to save these animals for food and money. There are innumerable solutions for preserving the animals. Firstly, cutting of plants must be banned by the government because animals, mostly rely on these for their meals. In fact, different sorts of animals have already been disappeared and if this process remains continue the day is not far when there is no animal on the Earth. Furthermore, due to the progression in cities various forests have cut down, which would lead to the stage of deterioration of the animals. If these natural places no longer exist, then how can these animals be alive. In addition, the hunting of these animals from predators also lessening their population. To exemplify, a survey was conducted by the agency in which they found that only 20% of area in cities is for forests. To conclude, the government and an individual should take steps ahead to conserve the species of the animals as well as natural places.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
species of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are facing a threat and few of them on the verge of extinction, owing to erosion, urbanization and
It appears that a hyphen is missing.
non regular
hunting of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
. In my opinion, it is predominant to shield these faunas and in order to implement it, cutting of trees, influx of population towards the cities and the activity of hunting should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
protection is quite necessary for the human beings in terms of food. In various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
like to eat the meat of cows and buffaloes,
especially
in Russian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
For example
, the Individuals, who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the North Pole region of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
solely
depend on this type of meat.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are considered
to be the major source of income for several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
For instance
, Australia
is renowned
for its wildlife, there by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
here to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
, which in turn boost the economic condition of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Thus
, it is vital to save these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
for food and money.

There are innumerable solutions for preserving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
.
Firstly
, cutting of plants
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be banned
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
,
mostly
rely on these for their meals. In fact,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
sorts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
have already
been disappeared
and if this process remains continue the day is not far when there is no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
on the Earth.

Furthermore
, due to the progression in cities various forests have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
down, which would lead to the stage of deterioration of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
. If these natural places no longer exist, then how can these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
be alive.
In addition
, the hunting of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
from predators
also
lessening their population. To exemplify, a survey
was conducted
by the agency in which they found that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
20% of area in cities is for forests.

To conclude
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and an individual should take steps ahead to conserve the species of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
as well
as natural places.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay With deforestation, urban development and illegal hunting, many animal species are becoming endangered and some are even facing extinction. Do you think it is important to protect animals? What can be done to protect animals? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
324 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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