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Some people believe that the government should not spend money on international aid when they have their own disadvantaged people like homeless and unemployed. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.4

Some people believe that the government should not spend money on international aid when they have their own disadvantaged people like homeless and unemployed. v. 4
Over the last century, the population has grown at an exponential rate across many countries in the world. This transformation delivers some problems in humans, such as poverty, starving, lack of health facilities, and unemployment. As a result, I personally believe that every polity must prioritize its country before spending money on international aid. There are some reasons why every nation must accentuate its country before help foreigner. Firstly, every nation has limited budget to solve such problems in its homeland. From this budget, all of the states also must have reserve funds to overcome some calamities, whether they are incidentals or not. China, the new emerging one, has giant allocation and can invest it to expertise all of the citizens. Secondly, governments be accused to have attention to help their citizens for better occupation. Moreover, governments must allocate some money to train their people and give some of their facilities. On the other hand, it is understandable and reasonable to donate some fund to poorer nations as a gesture of decency and humanity. No country, can live in prosperity while others, especially neighbourhood, which live below the poverty line. By offering other states, some financial assistance, the official also can elude illegal immigrant. For instance, some of the Mexicans go to the United States because they are difficult to survive. Even so, I think the instruments must prioritize their public. Therefore, they only donate some fund if their institution has sufficient budget. In conclusion, there are some obvious benefits when some nation assisted other foreign polity with donating money as relief aids. However, I strongly iterate that the government must improve the economic, financial and employment prospects of its own people before embarking on humanitarian work abroad
Over the last century, the population has grown at an exponential rate across
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in the world. This transformation delivers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems in humans, such as poverty, starving, lack of health facilities, and unemployment.
As a result
, I
personally
believe that every polity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
prioritize its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
spending money on international aid.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons why every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
accentuate its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
foreigner.
Firstly
, every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
has limited budget to solve such problems in its homeland. From this budget,
Consider using "all the".
all of the
states
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have reserve funds to overcome
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
calamities, whether they are incidentals or not. China, the new emerging one, has giant allocation and can invest it to expertise
Consider using "all the".
all of the
citizens.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
be accused
to have attention to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their citizens for better occupation.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
allocate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
money to train their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of their facilities.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, it is understandable and reasonable to donate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fund to poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
as a gesture of decency and humanity. No
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in prosperity while others,
especially
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
below the poverty line. By offering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
states,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
financial assistance, the official
also
can elude illegal immigrant.
For instance
,
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
Mexicans go to the United States
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are difficult to survive. Even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the instruments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
prioritize their public.
Therefore
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
donate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fund if their institution has sufficient budget.

In conclusion
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
obvious benefits when
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
assisted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
foreign polity with donating money as relief aids.
However
, I
strongly
iterate that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the economic, financial and employment prospects of its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
embarking on humanitarian work abroad
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that the government should not spend money on international aid when they have their own disadvantaged people like homeless and unemployed. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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