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With deforestation, urban development and illegal hunting, many animal species are becoming endangered as they lose their habitat and some are even threatened to the point of extinction. Do you think it is important to protect animals? What measures can be taken to deal with this problem? v.4

The different kind of animals have become in threat and few are even reached to the point of completely vanishing, owing to the forest’s destruction, urbanization and non-regulated hunting. I think their safety is crucial and there are certain option to mitigate this issue. Animal’s protection is quite necessary for the human beings in terms of food. This is because people utilized animal’s meat in their daily living. In almost all the countries in the world, animals such as cows and goats are used to acquire meat from them. Nomadic people in Russia, who live in the North-Pole, for instance, solely depend on goats and buffalos for eating purposes. Thus, it is of paramount importance to safe the animal species, so that people could acquire meat for eating. There are certain solutions of stopping animals to become extinct. Firstly, deforestation in different countries ought to be discouraged. Forests in the countryside are usually the living places or homes of many kinds of animals; consequently, the destruction of those forests in the form of cutting trees means destroying their surrounding’s or living areas. Secondly, the growing speed of urbanization should be restricted, as it is having serious consequences on wild livings. For example, the infrastructure development in the rural areas is enormously resulting in the vanishing of the forests; hence a detrimental outcome on the lives of animals. Therefore, preventing the downfall of forests and not encouraging or supporting urban growth is crucial in stopping the animal’s extinction. In conclusion, forest’s destruction, urban development and illegal hunting are the reasons of the animal’s disappearance. I believe, their existence is propitious, as humans get their flesh for food, and restricting the cutting of trees and the urbanization are options to cope with this problem.
The
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
have become in threat and few are even reached to the point of completely vanishing, owing to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forest’s
destruction, urbanization and non-regulated hunting. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
their safety is crucial and there are certain option to mitigate this issue.

Animal’s protection is quite necessary for the human beings in terms of food. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
utilized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal’s
meat in their daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
. In almost all the countries in the world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
such as cows and goats are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to acquire meat from them. Nomadic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in Russia, who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the North-Pole,
for instance
,
solely
depend on goats and
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean “buffalo”, the plural form of the noun ‘buffalo’?
buffalos
for eating purposes.
Thus
, it is of paramount importance to safe the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
species,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
could acquire meat for eating.

There are certain solutions of stopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
to become extinct.
Firstly
, deforestation in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries ought to
be discouraged
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Forests
in the countryside are
usually
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
places or homes of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
;
consequently
, the destruction of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forests
in the form of cutting trees means destroying their surrounding’s or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
areas.
Secondly
, the growing speed of urbanization should
be restricted
, as it is having serious consequences on wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
livings
.
For example
, the infrastructure development in the rural areas is
enormously
resulting in the vanishing of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forests
;
hence
a detrimental outcome on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
.
Therefore
, preventing the downfall of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forests
and not encouraging or supporting urban growth is crucial in stopping the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal’s
extinction.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forest’s
destruction, urban development and illegal hunting are the reasons of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal’s
disappearance. I believe, their existence is propitious, as humans
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their flesh for food, and restricting the cutting of trees and the urbanization are options to cope with this problem.

IELTS essay With deforestation, urban development and illegal hunting, many animal species are becoming endangered as they lose their habitat and some are even threatened to the point of extinction. Do you think it is important to protect animals? What measures can be taken to deal with this problem?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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  • With deforestation, urban development and illegal hunting, many animal species are becoming endangered as they lose their habitat and some are even threatened to the point of extinction. Do you think it is important to protect animals? What measures can be taken to deal with this problem? v.4