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With deforestation, urban development and illegal hunting, many animal species are becoming endangered as they lose their habitat and some are even threatened to the point of extinction. Do you think it is important to protect animals? What measures can be taken to deal with this problem? v.2

With deforestation, urban development and illegal hunting, many animal species are becoming endangered as they lose their habitat and some are even threatened to the point of extinction. Do you think it is important to protect animals? What measures can be taken to deal with this problem? v. 2
Cutting off the trees and make the area livable for humans is now a common practice. Not only that, but the hunting of animals has also become a hobby of some rich brats. We certainly need to look after this matter and need to take action immediately. First of all, animals should not only be protected as living things, but in some countries they are the pride of glory and in some continents they have been a major source of earnings. For instance, in the African Continent, the major source of revenue is generated from the tourism. The main attraction of tourists is the wildlife and the nature surrounded by them. You fill find some animal species in this Continent which you may not find anywhere else in this world. If African Continent allows tourists for illicit hunting or clean the forest area to build restaurants or hotels to accommodate the visitors then they are not only putting the animal lives in danger and force them to migrate but also affecting their largest source of income. Hence, this Continent needs to take care these species and their environment to keep the revenue flowing. To remove this trend, government need to play smart and sensitive. Firstly, they need to educate people and bring awareness about the importance of wildlife exists. This could be done by initiating the campaign and encouraging people to attend. Secondly, a strict policy should be put in place for those who are habitual of hunting animals for fun. Nevertheless, increasing population is also a major concern of defamation. To handle this problem, many activists are putting efforts to spread fear about the fatal consequences of overpopulation, such as feeding extra mouths or more animals slaughtering and killing plants. People should know that this will not only affect individuals, but to the globe as a whole. To elucidate, it is a big debate to overcome the problem of wildlife extinctions. It is true that we should not place the whole burden on government to make the policies to save the nature and wildlife, but we as humans take the responsibility and save these forest lives not as part of humanity only but also as a part of our necessity.
Cutting off the trees and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the area livable for humans is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
a common practice. Not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the hunting of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
has
also
become a hobby of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
rich brats. We
certainly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to look after this matter and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to take action immediately.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
should not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
be protected
as living things,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries they are the pride of glory and in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
continents
they have been a major source of earnings.
For instance
, in the African Continent, the major source of revenue
is generated
from the tourism. The main attraction of tourists is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wildlife
and the nature surrounded by them. You fill find
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
species in this Continent which you may not find anywhere else in this world. If African Continent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
tourists for illicit hunting or clean the forest area to build restaurants or hotels to accommodate the visitors then they are not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
putting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
and force them to migrate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
affecting their largest source of income.
Hence
, this Continent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to take care these species and their environment to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the revenue flowing.

To remove this trend,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to play smart and sensitive.
Firstly
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to educate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and bring awareness about the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wildlife
exists. This could
be done
by initiating the campaign and encouraging
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to attend.
Secondly
, a strict policy should
be put
in place for those who are habitual of hunting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
for fun.
Nevertheless
, increasing population is
also
a major concern of defamation. To handle this problem,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
activists are putting efforts to spread fear about the fatal consequences of overpopulation, such as feeding extra mouths or more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
slaughtering and killing plants.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
should know that this will not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
affect individuals,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to the globe as a whole.

To elucidate, it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
debate to overcome the problem of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wildlife
extinctions. It is true that we should not place the whole burden on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the policies to save the nature and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wildlife
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we as humans take the responsibility and save these forest
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
not as part of humanity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
as a part of our necessity.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
A new language is a new life.
Persian Proverb

IELTS essay With deforestation, urban development and illegal hunting, many animal species are becoming endangered as they lose their habitat and some are even threatened to the point of extinction. Do you think it is important to protect animals? What measures can be taken to deal with this problem? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
371 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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