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Will see homeless people in the society, few people support them with food and money and few are against. What is your opinion on this. v.1

Will see homeless people in the society, few people support them with food and money and few are against. What is your opinion on this. v. 1
It gives discouragement to see the bag people in modern civilization, such situations are tough to accept. However, most of these live in filthy areas which are non-hygienic for sure, which can cause life threats as well. Street life is terrible. Society and the government were providing few facilities for the homeless even though it is not sufficient, in that more are food and fund related only. These are appreciated, but the other hand, which may increasing laziness and irresponsible nature which is not good towards the nation. Once people habituated with such nature, then they will not realize about the dignity of labour and it could motivate few more people to come on the same dais. Here I want to share an example of GHANA, in this nation the government had provided all the necessaries for free of cost. After some time the country had reached below the poverty line which is really pathetic. Concurrently, we should not leave them in the same condition, along with these facilities, we must analyse the situation and need to take necessary steps to increase their lifestyle. Mostly we need a make them self-sustaining by providing some work or job. I want to share a real success story on such scenario, in Dubai, they opened a program to avoid street life. As part of that program, the government had provided shelter for all homeless along with that they offered work as well within a couple of years all the people got improved morally, socially and financially. I can consider this is a stronger way for human values. To conclude, we should not leave them my providing some food and money, I completely disagree with supporting homeless with only money. In my perception, for an empty stomach, it is better to teach fishing rather than giving a fish.
It gives discouragement to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the bag
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in modern civilization, such situations are tough to accept.
However
, most of these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in filthy areas which are non-hygienic for sure, which can cause life threats
as well
. Street life is terrible.

Society and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
were providing few facilities for the homeless
even though
it is not sufficient, in that more are food and fund related
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
. These
are appreciated
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the other hand, which may increasing laziness and irresponsible nature which is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
towards the nation. Once
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
habituated with such nature, then they will not realize about the dignity of
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
and it could motivate few more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
on the same dais. Here I want to share an example of GHANA, in this nation the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
had provided all the necessaries for free of cost.
“After” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
After
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time the country had reached below the poverty line which is
really
pathetic.

Concurrently
, we should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
them in the same condition, along with these facilities, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
the situation and need to take necessary steps to increase their lifestyle.
Mostly
we need a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them self-sustaining by providing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
work or job. I want to share a real success story on such scenario, in Dubai, they opened a program to avoid street life. As part of that program, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
had provided shelter for all homeless along with that they offered work
as well
within a couple of years all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
morally
,
socially
and
financially
. I can consider this is a stronger way for human values.

To conclude
, we should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
them my providing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
food and money, I completely disagree with supporting homeless with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
money. In my perception, for an empty stomach, it is better to teach fishing
rather
than giving a fish.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay Will see homeless people in the society, few people support them with food and money and few are against. What is your opinion on this. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
304 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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