Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

most societies has its homeless people. Some people think that the best way to help them is to give them money. v.3

most societies has its homeless people. Some people think that the best way to help them is to give them money. v. 3
A considerable proportion of people without a home in society is always an inevitable issue nowadays. Many people believe that the best way to decrease the number of homeless people is to give them money for survival. However, giving money is only a temporary solution and cannot eliminate the issue. Therefore, rather than giving money, I believe that offer an employment opportunity is a better way to help homeless people in the long-term. To begin with, many people have overlooked the root that causes the issue of people becoming homeless. One of the reasons that results in people becoming homeless is that they do not have a fixed source of income, and this is often due to their lack of education and skills that enable them to find a job. Hence, providing money to those homeless people cannot help them to sustain a standard living in the future. As a result, there is a chance that homeless people become struggling to make their ends meet again after they have used all the money, and this situation would become like a never-ending cycle. On the other hand, there is also a high probability that homeless people take the money for granted and ask for more when they do not have any left. Therefore, by giving them money is not the best solution, but I believe that given in the form of employment would be a better solution. The main reason is that offering job enables homeless people to sustain a constant source of income, and consequently, they can improve their standard of living. In conclusion, although many people think that the best way to help homeless people in our society is to give them money, I believe that this act is only a temporary solution. For homeless people to have a better living condition in the long-term, it is better to offer employment, which provides a constant income.
A considerable proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
without a home in society is always an inevitable issue nowadays.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that the best way to decrease the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homeless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is to give them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for survival.
However
, giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a temporary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
and cannot eliminate the issue.
Therefore
,
rather
than giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that offer an employment opportunity is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homeless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the long-term.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have overlooked the root that causes the issue of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
becoming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homeless
. One of the reasons that results in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
becoming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homeless
is that they do not have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
source of income, and this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
due to their lack of education and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
that enable them to find a job.
Hence
, providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homeless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to sustain a standard living in the future.
As a result
, there is a chance that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homeless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become struggling to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their ends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
again after they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, and this situation would become like a never-ending cycle.

On the other hand
, there is
also
a high probability that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homeless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
take the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for granted and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ask for
more when they do not have any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
.
Therefore
, by giving them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is not the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
in the form of employment would be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
. The main reason is that offering job enables
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homeless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to sustain a constant source of income, and
consequently
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their standard of living.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the best way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homeless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in our society is to give them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that this act is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a temporary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homeless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
living condition in the long-term, it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
to offer employment, which provides a constant income.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
44Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay most societies has its homeless people. Some people think that the best way to help them is to give them money. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
317 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts