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Most societies has its homeless people. Some people think that the best way to help them is to give them money. To what extent do you agree? v.2

Most societies has its homeless people. Some people think that the best way to help them is to give them money. v. 2
A lot of poor people have no roof over their heads and it is argued that providing finance for them is the appropriate way to aid them. In my opinion, giving money to homeless people is only a temporary solution so authorities should think about better plans. When the poor are given money, they can utilise it for their daily needs such as buying foods. But, food alone cannot fulfil a person in their daily life since a lot of other areas such as paying rent, children's education are to be considered and who will assist them every time for these is a challenging question and hence it can not be said that giving money is the best solution to help the poor. Apart from this, if the impoverished ones get money every time from rich people or the government, they may expect help in the form of finance every time which can make them lazy and they will no longer take part in the progress of the nation by not working hard. Therefore, the best way to uplift the living standards of destitute people is by providing them with free education and economic-based reservations in jobs. This strategic planning is adopted by the India government that provides free education for those who are below the poverty line until degree level and 10% vacancy in government jobs for such people. As a result, many poor people now can take care of their families without financial assistance from the government which is only temporary relief. In conclusion, I am of the opinion that assisting the poor by giving them money cannot be considered as a perfect method. The best way to raise their living standard is by governments helping them to attain good education and jobs. The
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
A lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have no roof over their heads and it
is argued
that providing finance for them is the appropriate way to aid them. In my opinion, giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to homeless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a temporary solution
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
authorities should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about better plans.

When the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, they can
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilise' is British English.
utilise
it for their daily needs such as buying foods.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, food alone cannot fulfil a person in their daily life since
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
other areas such as paying rent, children's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
are to
be considered
and who will assist them every time for
The verb 'is' is singular. Did you mean: "This is" or "these am", "these are", "these aren"?
these is
a challenging question and
hence
it can not
be said
that giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is the best solution to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
. Apart from this, if the impoverished ones
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
every time from rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
or the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
, they may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in the form of finance every time which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
lazy and
they will no longer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in the progress of the nation by not working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
.

Therefore
, the best way to uplift the living standards of destitute
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is by providing them with free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and economic-based reservations in jobs. This strategic planning
is adopted
by the India
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
that provides free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
for those who are below the poverty line until degree level and 10% vacancy in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
jobs for such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
can take care of their families without financial assistance from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
temporary relief.

In conclusion
, I am of the opinion that assisting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
by giving them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
cannot
be considered
as a perfect method. The best way to raise their living standard is by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
helping them to attain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and jobs.

The
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Most societies has its homeless people. Some people think that the best way to help them is to give them money. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
295 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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