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Some people think that government is wasting money on arts and that this money could be used in specnt anyways. To what extent do u agree. v.1

Some people think that government is wasting money on arts and that this money could be used in specnt anyways. v. 1
Spending money on the arts by the government is always a subject of debate and considered to be as a double-edge sword. Some people claim that spending money on the arts is a wastage and they also argue that government should pay less focus on arts section. However, I extremely disagree with this notion and claim that it's our moral duty to save our culture and government should allocate funds in order to maintain the beauty of our rich heritage culture. To begin with, Art is what differentiate us from animals. Additionally, with the help of arts like dancing and singing we can express our emotions. With the help of arts person can get name and fame not only in their nation, but also in the whole globe. Moreover, if a nation has a good artistic view and historical status, then it can also attract tourism and this way the government can earn money from the tourists. For an instance, In whole globe, India is known as rich culture and history and in the year 2015, Indian government earns 5 million rupees from tourists. Therefore, spending money for the arts is not a waste of money. On the other side, because of the existing issues in nation like empowerment, poverty etc. Are increasing on a daily basis. That's why, many people claim that the government should pay less attention to the arts and pay more focus on existing problems. Moreover, they believe that if they open any school or university or any hospital with this money, then it's beneficial for the local community. For example, Canadian government allocates less funds accounted for only 0. 5% of their budget for the arts and rest all they allocate on other sectors. That's why Canadian education is very popular among the international students. In conclusion, man is a social animal and the art is the only way with which we can express our feelings. No doubt government should pay more focus on existing issues, but the importance of the arts cannot be neglected, So, spending money for the arts is not a waste of money.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is always a subject of debate and considered to be as a double-edge sword.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
is a
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
wastage and
they
also
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
less focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
section.
However
, I
extremely
disagree with this notion and claim that it's our moral duty to save our culture and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should allocate funds in order to maintain the beauty of our rich heritage culture.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
is what differentiate us from animals.
Additionally
, with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
like dancing and singing we can express our emotions. With the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
person can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
name and fame not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in their nation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
in the whole globe.
Moreover
, if a nation has a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
artistic view and historical status, then it can
also
attract tourism and this way the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
from the tourists. For an instance, In whole globe, India
is known
as rich culture and history and in the year 2015, Indian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
earns 5 million rupees from tourists.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
is not a waste of money.

On the other side,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the existing issues in nation like empowerment, poverty etc. Are increasing on a daily basis. That's why,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
claim that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
less attention to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
more focus on existing problems.
Moreover
, they believe that if they open any school or university or any hospital with this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, then it's beneficial for the local community.
For example
, Canadian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
allocates
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun funds is countable.
less
funds accounted for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
0. 5% of their budget for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and rest all they allocate on other sectors. That's why Canadian education is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
popular among the international students.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
is a social animal and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way with which we can express our feelings. No doubt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
more focus on existing issues,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the importance of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
cannot
be neglected
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
is not a waste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that government is wasting money on arts and that this money could be used in specnt anyways. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
352 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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